Sooooo ready for things to change. I am really tired of seeing the same busted ass people on these lame dating sites. I so need to focus on myself. I feel like physically I am falling apart. How is this possible? In the past things were so together.
I just keep thinking of the things I need to do for myself. I also know the more I work on me the more likely "he" is to come along. I am not in any shape to be the proper girlfriend right now.
Which is why I want to be one so badly. I suspect.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Untitled v1.0
My sister is a mom. I am obviously not. She posted on Facebook that they are having a play date.
All I could think was "I'd like a play date right about now." And I definitely mean with a grown man.
Thinking of going to the dog park to find a play date tonight.
All I could think was "I'd like a play date right about now." And I definitely mean with a grown man.
Thinking of going to the dog park to find a play date tonight.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Whoa.
I kind of called the outcome of my brief "second chance" with the teacher. Dude has not changed. Not only has he not changed he totally did the EXACT same thing he did the last time.
Obviously we had plans on Friday night. After Thursday he wanted to get together and I said no. I typed that huge post and not long after he sent me a text that said "no go tonight. I have to be up early in the morning for graduation." As I've mentioned. He's a teacher (which only makes the idea of having kids in general even scarier if he is going to be the one molding their minds. Yikes!) sooooo before the school year even ended LAST year BEFORE we even met you knew when graduation THIS year was going to be.
I knew immediately it was a kiss off. I had a mix of emotions. I was hurt and rightfully so. I didn't message him asking for a second chance, he messaged me. Relief because well obviously nothing changed and it would have been even harder to have met up with him and then had it go oh so wrong. He called it a second chance, he said he "threw away something good." Then less than 24 hours later. This.
I was fairly nice in my response: "I honestly have no clue why you would contact me if you have no desire to make any effort. I thought you would have thought through what you were doing. You must really have no respect for me or how I feel. You can't honestly think I believe you didn't know about graduation before now?"
He NEVER responded.
What I wanted to say was: "You MIGHT be the biggest piece of shit I've ever met. Almost more of a dick than the dude who told me he had AIDS, yes AIDS after we had sex. I would highly recommend some serious medication to deal with whatever issues you have."
Really when I think about it while I care, I am SO happy we will never have any contact with each other ever again. There is no way he is stupid enough to try to message me again. If he is, I'm not stupid enough to respond.
I am pretty amazed that someone who can seem so normal on the outside is so fucked up on the inside. It kind of scares me and makes me really hope the right guy comes along soon because I'm not sure I can take much more of these emotionally unstable men.
This was a good experience. After 8 months of being single after the whole thing with him I still questioned what I'd done to cause this. I no longer will ever take any fault in why he treated me the way he did. There is nothing wrong with me at all. Obviously we aren't right for one another but it really is deeper than that. When he said "I don't see a future with you," that statement implies there is something wrong with ME. It takes the blame off of him completely and in reality the reason why there is no future is because of him, his instability and lack of concern for anyone other than himself. I am even stronger than I was a week ago because I will NEVER question my role in our break up since I happened to be an innocent bystander. Like a child witness/victim in a drive by shooting.
I am all for taking responsibility for your own actions but I fucking refuse to take responsibility for his or any other man who doesn't have the ability to truly love himself and others.
This was the closure I needed to move on. I will never wonder what might have been.
Plus I can't lie. I LOVE the fact that he clearly felt there was enough to attempt for a second chance. Boy do I hope for the rest of his life he thinks of me as the one that got away. Because let's be real. I am.
Obviously we had plans on Friday night. After Thursday he wanted to get together and I said no. I typed that huge post and not long after he sent me a text that said "no go tonight. I have to be up early in the morning for graduation." As I've mentioned. He's a teacher (which only makes the idea of having kids in general even scarier if he is going to be the one molding their minds. Yikes!) sooooo before the school year even ended LAST year BEFORE we even met you knew when graduation THIS year was going to be.
I knew immediately it was a kiss off. I had a mix of emotions. I was hurt and rightfully so. I didn't message him asking for a second chance, he messaged me. Relief because well obviously nothing changed and it would have been even harder to have met up with him and then had it go oh so wrong. He called it a second chance, he said he "threw away something good." Then less than 24 hours later. This.
I was fairly nice in my response: "I honestly have no clue why you would contact me if you have no desire to make any effort. I thought you would have thought through what you were doing. You must really have no respect for me or how I feel. You can't honestly think I believe you didn't know about graduation before now?"
He NEVER responded.
What I wanted to say was: "You MIGHT be the biggest piece of shit I've ever met. Almost more of a dick than the dude who told me he had AIDS, yes AIDS after we had sex. I would highly recommend some serious medication to deal with whatever issues you have."
Really when I think about it while I care, I am SO happy we will never have any contact with each other ever again. There is no way he is stupid enough to try to message me again. If he is, I'm not stupid enough to respond.
I am pretty amazed that someone who can seem so normal on the outside is so fucked up on the inside. It kind of scares me and makes me really hope the right guy comes along soon because I'm not sure I can take much more of these emotionally unstable men.
This was a good experience. After 8 months of being single after the whole thing with him I still questioned what I'd done to cause this. I no longer will ever take any fault in why he treated me the way he did. There is nothing wrong with me at all. Obviously we aren't right for one another but it really is deeper than that. When he said "I don't see a future with you," that statement implies there is something wrong with ME. It takes the blame off of him completely and in reality the reason why there is no future is because of him, his instability and lack of concern for anyone other than himself. I am even stronger than I was a week ago because I will NEVER question my role in our break up since I happened to be an innocent bystander. Like a child witness/victim in a drive by shooting.
I am all for taking responsibility for your own actions but I fucking refuse to take responsibility for his or any other man who doesn't have the ability to truly love himself and others.
This was the closure I needed to move on. I will never wonder what might have been.
Plus I can't lie. I LOVE the fact that he clearly felt there was enough to attempt for a second chance. Boy do I hope for the rest of his life he thinks of me as the one that got away. Because let's be real. I am.
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