Change of Heart

Let me first apologize on my lack of commenting on your comments. I can't tell if it's my settings or this computer I use that jack it all to hell but for some reason it doesn't let me respond. SHIT. So if you know what the problem could be, let me know so I can fix it!

Friday was totally crazy when I went to my sisters apartment and she told me about the dramz that happened to her the night before. It totally cured me of wanting to have a FWB. AND I realized it wouldn't solve anything. It isn't what I am looking for and would take away from the little bit of time I currently have to take care of what else is going on in life.

So onto the story. Whoa.

My sister is a few years younger and when she was in her late teens she dated this sleazy ass mother fucker. (Yes she was one of those women who was only as good as who she spread her legs for.) He was so gross. Really controlling. Ugh. We all hated him. Well they broke up and la-te-da and whatever...had a relationship then within the past few months became single. She told me she'd be in contact with this dude and they were just "friends." Ew. We all know what that means. Since I am in charge of her cell phone, I might just call all the numbers that she has called or whatever and block him. Hahaha. Actually this is a great idea. I have all the power!

Thursday night her and a friend went out, got drunk and then came back to her place. She called old dude up for a booty call and her friend was trying to get some dick too I guess. (I'm shaking my head as I type this haha) Friend never finds a piece and is on couch kinda passed out I guess. Dude asks my sister to call her in. You know for a threesome. Sister says, uh you know I'm not into that so I'll pass. Apparently he walks out to the living room after getting some from my sister and decides he wants to have sex with her friend too. Friend accepts his dirty penis into her equally dirty vagina. My sister walks in on them. Let's them stay the night. Excuse me.

Okay what? This chick apparently knew my sister still had feelings for dude. Clearly my sister broke rule number one of a booty call...do not have feelings. HOWEVER, her friend just decided to let anything hit that? On top of it all they didn't use protection! EWWWWWW. So gross. I swear. THIS is the kind of stuff I am talking about. I won't claim to be a virgin. That would be laughable but I can honestly say I have never had sex with a man who any of my friends have been with. Especially in their homes. On their couch. After they'd been with him. With no condom.

Rumor has it my sister is friends with this chick again. To all my ladies, I DARE you to disrespect me like that in my own home. I DARE you to try to have what I have been with and I DARE you to leave out alive. No, we will never be friends again. Wow.

So this was my cure. After realizing like I've kind of indicated I really just want to have one special guy who I focus on, I realized the sex can wait. I do not need that kind of drama that's for sure!

On another note.....I have a major crush. Major. I don't know why I haven't mentioned him on here. Of all places. :) Everyone I know is aware of my "Trader Joe's boyfriend." The tall man who gives me butterflies. I really feel like I shouldn't be so frank on what I feel could happen if I got up the balls to actually say more than just hi to him. I seriously roll my eyes every single time I think about it. It sounds SO dorky. SO creepy but the first time we made eye contact I had the stomach flip. I was standing in Starbucks putting my half and half into my morning coffee as he walked by the window. I thought to myself "Why did my stomach just do that for him?" Then I saw him at Trader Joe's the next week. I feel so silly. I think I am blushing. I swear to you when we made eye contact again it's almost like his stomach did the same thing. The flash across his face was different than anything I'd seen before. This will sound nuts...so I warn you....but....I can't believe I'm going to say this.....sigh.....IF there is such a thing as love at first sight I know this would be it. I'm calling it now! haha.

Yeah, I think I'm going crazy. This is not me.

This Doesn't Seem Right

Editors note: Between the time that this blog was halfway written and went to print the author is considering having sex with a semi random dude as a casual/friend with benefits thing. This blog speaks to all women, including the author and men who act like women.

I've decided to make my blogs rant like the past two days. I have a few things that I have been thinking about today. Some days I just go off. So this blogs title is:


Why Do Women Act Like Such Stupid Bitches?
 (Myself included sometimes apparently)


Pardon my francais but I really want to have the answer to this question. You've heard of a small percentage of my experience with men. They are dogs. They do some dumb shit sometimes but overall I would say men are generally good people. When as a woman you command respect.


This is the biggest issue. Women do not expect to be respected. They actually expect to be disrespected, so when a man does it it's not really a big deal. If he does it less than her previous boyfriend then he gets the honor of having her hand in marriage. Explain to me why anyone would want to be with someone who didn't demand respect? Or in essence not having any respect for yourself.


You let men cheat on you, you act like a selfish, self centered, whiny cunt who lacks confidence. Some of you let him physically beat you. Others allow verbal abuse. Most like myself, allow a man to use your body for his sexual pleasure. (This really appeals to me right now.)


What really got me thinking about this and really made me angry was my boss and her 30+ minute personal call that involved her telling her friend more than once how she was "better than that" and that she wasn't "raised that way." Don't forget she also shit talked the dude who apparently brought the drama in the first place. Wait what? No actually bitch you do deserve that and everything you got and no you aren't better than that because as my friend said...you spread your legs for that piece of trash. To cap it all off my boss and everyone knows it.


That raises another issue. The lies women tell each other. I would rather have someone be honest. Like "Hey, you are acting like a freak and allowing that guy to walk all over you. If you put up with his shit you get everything you deserve." But no, most women let the cycle continue. Ugh. Women are too busy tearing each other down instead of raising each other up. When your man cheats who do you want to kill? Yep, that bitch who slept with your man. This is totally backwards. While it is messed up if a woman slept with a man knowing he was in a relationship. Of course it is worse when you know here BUT shouldn't you be mad at him? He cheated on you. Going after the woman isn't going to do you any good because the problem is with your relationship, not with some other woman who seduced your man. Most of the time he went out looking. She didn't come after him.

Ladies, get your shit straight. He doesn't call you except to get laid because he doesn't want to date you, not because he is "busy with his kids" or "working late." He doesn't take you seriously. He might think you are hot but really...does that mean anything? I think that Ben Kenney is hot but do I want to have a lasting relationship with him? I find it hard to believe that some of you try and pass it off like you're "just doing you." Bitch no you are not. He is using you. Be real with yourself. You want to be more than a booty call. No man is worth that. If he doesn't make an effort with you now, he never will.

I will give you some of the best and most solid piece of advice I have ever realized.

When a man is interested, you will know it. He will make an effort. He will contact you for various reasons. He will make his intentions known. A man will make time for the things he wants. If he does not make time for you, he does not want you. Please stop fooling yourself. You will only end up hurt.

Not to take away from the point of the post (haha yikes) but I am having thoughts of having sex with a man I do not know and a man I do not intend on ever having a relationship with. This concerns me. Part of me wants to be a little rebellious while the other part says, stay on your course. I will keep you up to date on my decision. I really need to get laid and let loose a little. I am far too uptight and I'm starting to think this might actually help my search in finding something serious. Am I crazy?

2 Smokin Hot Smokers

As a former smoker, I kind of ...hmmmm. Well not only do I notice smoke quite a bit but I also still find something about smoking to be super appealing and kind of sexy. I don't want to be a smoker again. I just want to play with fire, so to speak...every so often. Am I aware smoking isn't sexy? Yes. Do I care? Not really.

There are these two hotties that live in my apartment complex, one in the same building and the other a building over. I find them to both be very sexy and kind of strange. I am stalking them both. They both smoke.

I have put together information I have gathered about the one who lives the building over from what I have observed since I moved in. He drives a BMW and when I first noticed him, he was with a little blonde quite a bit. I also noticed on his nice car a sticker for a local cult...church. Not into the church type. Well she stopped hanging around and the sticker came off of the car. He appears to have a job that he travels a lot for and he has a strange haircut. It's almost too rounded in the back. He seems to spend a lot of time on it, product and such. He smokes before heading to work, outside of his car. Sometimes I want to stand there with him and the dogs, smoking before work. I also wouldn't mind taking a puff of his....well. You can assume.

The second on is new. My assigned spot is right in front of his patio. The dogs and I almost ran into him the other day, he's really cute. Tall. YUM! I like looking into his apartment. I think he should keep his blinds closed. He also smokes outside but what seems to be the most curious is the fact that when someone comes outside he ducks down where no one can see him. WTF? IF you are going to closet smoke, you might want to do it in your home. I don't fully understand.

I'd like to take both of these guys for a spin then have a smoke afterwards. Convenient fucks.

I have a coffee "date" tonight. I have reservations to say the least. These bastards are driving me nuts.

Phone Lovin'

It was brought to my attention a few weeks ago from a friend of mine that we "used to have phone sex" and "I still think you are awesome anyway." This was an interesting statement because for one I haven't had phone sex in forever AND the fact that he would feel the need to tell me I was "awesome anyway" was an interesting addition to the first statement. Oh engineers, they always have a way of saying things in a way to make you feel like a skank.

I started thinking about it though. Phone sex has so many advantages. No STDs/pregnancy, it's pretty hard to get attached to someone via the phone, safest form of sex their is. I've been told I have a sexy voice so in the past getting laid over the phone was much easier than in person. I know, don't cry for me Argentina, I survived....partially because of all of the phone sex I had. I bet my phone sex partners out number those who actually got it in by double or triple.

Once I was so into it, a neighbor (or set of neighbors) stopped my roommate in the parking lot asking if everything in our apartment was okay. The conversation indicated a "picture fell off of their wall" and at first I didn't get it. Until I thought about it. Phone sex. They thought I was having actual sex. ha ha. Hopefully this isn't one of those stories my roommate created to tell me she was tired of hearing my escapades (which is total fair,) because I like the idea of neighbors thinking I am having wild kinky sex when in fact I was not.

The desire just isn't there anymore, I need something physical. Something to look at, touch, hold and the shape of a phone isn't exactly phallic enough for me. Of course it is still a good alternative for when your man is away and you'd like to share some fantasies or something, keep his attention. 

Phone sex is like "Sex Lite," like the free version of an iPhone application. Not the same but good enough to get you through.

To end this on a "It's all about me and I need my ego stroked" note: After bringing up the fact that I felt my engineer friend had basically admitted he thought I was a whore, he confessed his crush. I was flattered. He actually had a thing for me. Who knew.