Ummm Wow

So I've been taking a break. From dating mostly. Trying to focus on other things. I've applied for another job *fingers crossed* I've been sick and feel so horrible that I haven't lost much weight because of being sick and miss WAY too much time in the gym. I did make homemade pizza yesterday though.

My OKCupid profile reflects my frustrations. I like confidence and I know a confident enough man will realize that no matter how frustrated or jaded I sound, he might be the one to show me that there is good out there. I only need one.

So I'll share my current "self summary." I'm usually one who is all for the upbeat cutesy/flirty profile but I also get bored easily. So here it is:

It's official, I've become totally bored with what this site has to offer. Every man is in a band, that of course is not doing anything. No I don't want to be your Facebook friend. Too many shallow pools to wade through. I'd be pleasantly surprised to fall down a black hole at this point in terms of personality and what a man has to offer. At least it would have some depth.

My attitude comes from your lack of awesomeness, bring it and I'll gladly show you the real me.

I prefer the surreal to the real, sex with commitment over sex with some random hard body, skuzzy mother fucker and a PhD gets me wayyyyy wetter than a BMW.

Looking for:
-someone passionate, about something other than work...unless work is something wonderfully creative or selfless
-someone open to living somewhere else other than Charlotte.
-nerdy, dorky, quirky, an individual, liberal, silly...
-your vs you're ...please use them properly

My pictures are funny, I confess to rapping Baby Got Back in the 5th grade and how proud I am of my mommy for trying to text. There is more to the profile than just "BITCH."

I get this message today, "well aren't you just a pissy little cunt?" Really? Wow. Hmmmm. Classy. Super classy.

I love my response, "You kiss your mother with that mouth? I didn't message you or ask you to comment on my profile. If you actually read it you'd realize I'm not "pissy," instead more frustrated with a lack of real quality. Ever been a woman? Ever walked a mile in my shoes? Then I suggest keeping your mouth shut. Do you know how many times I've read things on peoples profiles that I was like "Wow how truly ignorant!" Instead of sending a message name calling, I MOVE ON. Something you should have done.

Let me quote your profile. "I have no desire to engage in anything negative." Hmmm, could have fooled me because while you disagree with my opinions (and that's exactly what they are) you have tried to give me a virtual slap on the wrist by calling me one of the most disrespectful things anyone can call a woman. You completely prove my point."

Don't.Fuck.Wit.Me. I could have gone off, I could have acted like a ghetto bitch but I didn't. Why do people feel the need to call me out? Because you are insecure? Because something I said offended you? This is where growing up and having some confidence comes into play. I've decided that who cares what someone says? Who cares if you aren't what I am looking for? Some woman will be impressed by your guitar, just not me. Why bother sending me a message name calling though?

On another note, I found my perfect engagement ring and wedding band. Haha.

Bitch Fest #1 & HTB Letter

The #1 is a must since I imagine there will be more to come. I really don't know what the fuck happened but I am so bored/tired/irritated/pissy/bitchy/hating this whole single, seeking something more situation that I am in. The whole idea of meeting people is bullshit. It is especially stupid when you are harboring nonsensical feelings for some dude you really don't know. What have I become?

I believe part of this anger/resentment towards the entire process (which btw is kind of a large part of most every ones life) comes from the fact that first off, it's hard (and I work hard at so much) but for some people it seems to come easily. No this has nothing to do with looks or whatever shit you think I might blame it on. Some people are just blessed OR I guess we can also say maybe they have settled. It isn't for me to judge one way or another but if you are leading a life that appears to be perfect on the outside, I will assume as much. I'm having a pity party. I feel like there are a lot of things in life that have been hard, why does this have to be as well? The second reason is my best friend shared in her "blog reading list" a girl who writes letters to her "HTB" which stands for: Husband to Be. Now, there is more to the story as there isn't an actual husband to be, no ring on her finger or boyfriend. Just a fantasy. Maybe that is good enough. I'm not even sure how she expects to meet her husband to be, she just knows he is out there floating along and one day, BAM there it is.

Maybe I should start writing letters to my HTB, there are chicks my age looking for their second husbands to be. This whole idea about writing a letter to a future anything makes me jealous of her hope and angry at the man who will come along. My letters would not be as friendly and loving. (No this is not why I am single.) I will write a quick letter, tell me what you think.

Dear Asshole, oh excuse me I mean HTB,

Today is Tuesday and I have been doing quite a lot of thinking about you today, well maybe not exactly about you but about the men who could be you, were you in my mind for a period of time or would like to be you. Most of them do not fit the bill. In thinking about these not quite husband material men I get pissed at you. What the fuck is taking so long? I'm getting bored along with extremely sexually frustrated. I feel as though I have met all of the men needed to make an informed decision. Knowing what I imagine I know of you, you have met more than enough women to make a well informed decision as well. I repeat, more than enough.

I suspect you have been spending the last few months traipsing around with a few different girls, leading them on. Making them feel like they might have a shot at what you will in the end offer me. Why would you do that? You are wasting more than just your own time, but theirs and mine....something I do not appreciate.

If I *knew* that our future was set in stone I might not sound so much like a bitch, however you have decided to play the bachelor for as long as possible, forcing me to deny kisses from frogs that I KNOW aren't princes. I would say nice and wonderful things about you and our relationship but I don't know you or if I do I'm not currently seeing a future with you. I could talk about how nice it will be once we are together to take a trip to the mountains and stay in a cheesy ass cabin while it snows outside. No is not an option when it comes to candles, a fire and bubbles in the hot tub. Of course this weekend would be one big fuck fest but at least pretend to indulge my romantic side. I know it seems like a crazy idea to want to give into my silly whims but trust me, one day you will realize my happiness does mean a lot to you. Just stop being a stubborn prick.

Most likely you will blame our lack of a connection on me. Always. Any way to not have to take responsibility for making me wait and spend time with these jokers. I will forgive you since I'm sure something about you does something more than just make between my legs tingle. Maybe it is your eyes, smile or both. Shit if it's both I'm doomed, I will not be able to resist you.

So just stop doing some young thing who looks good with air between the ears and come home. The chihuahuas do better with a man around and again, if I don't get laid I might implode. Do you want to be the cause of my death?

Hope you hurry the fuck up,

Semi-Reformed Bad Girl

Yeah, it's like that.

Camera Man Post #1

Flaky! It is amazing how quickly a man can change his mind. This time yesterday I set up a date for this evening with a 38 year old camera man. Yeah, I know over 10 years older isn't exactly what I am looking for but he seemed fun and interesting.

This morning I get a text "I thought my friend's bday party was next week, but it's tonight. Can we plan for early next week? I'm so sorry."

My first thought: Bullshit.

The night before he was ALL about some Semi-Reformed Bad Girl then last night...nothing. If you go from "Oh you are so adorable, I can't wait to spend time together." to nothing the next night. Red Flag. The night before he even in a kind of crazy way said "I believe everything happens for a reason." Wow really? Let's not go there at least until we meet.

I'll allow him to take me out early next week but I'm willing to bet money it never happens.

Sorry, You're Too Skinny

Over the past 24 hours I have had one of the most interesting conversations that I have had in a while. While I try to really not get too down on the fact that people are so concerned with looks it gets really hard when things like this happen. Mind you, I have had my fair share of men. I'm not every dudes cup of tea but a wide variety have found themselves attracted not only mentally but physically. I'm a cute/hot/beautiful/interesting/sweet/kind... woman. Period.


So I am trying to open myself up to different kinds of men, you know we all have our preferences but if I stuck with that I might be limiting myself and really selling myself short. So I went out on a limb and messaged a guy with one picture (usually it's best to be able to see more than one cause, well... you know.) He seemed interesting and I thought we could have some things in common. Not exactly my style guy but that's really okay, there weren't any glaring physical issues that I was just like NO about.


This is the response I get back:


Look at you, lots of checks in my compatibility column. Well done. Here's the thing, and this is all me. I'm pretty much only interested in plus size chicks. I need to go back and mention that in my bio thingy. From what i can tell, you're not plus size...so it's a bit of an issue. With that, you are very attractive and very much my kind of gal.


My initial reaction was "Bullshit." For more than one reason.

Now maybe this is the time when I should mention that I am not small. By any means. Actually considered "plus size" by most standards. A size 14 in fact. Also I have lost 50 pounds, formerly a size 24 and very proud of the physical changes and accomplishments I've made over the last almost 2 years. I have every intention of continuing the trend and losing another at least 30 pounds if not more. You can guess that for a lot of my life I was told "You have a cute face but I'm not into plus size girls." It still stings.


So I asked this guy to define "plus size" for me. Because if you want someone my former size, well that isn't going to happen but again technically I do fall into that category.


The response:


I'm not as superficial as it prob seems, im not super specific. I just find the rubenesque figure more feminine that the typical smaller chick. Just me, it's the curves and softness i guess. I blame this ideal on my figure drawing classes in school. The bigger women were more interesting.


Well, yeah okay. That isn't exactly specific and what you are describing could definitely be me. Curves...check. Softness...as much as I hate to admit it...check. Not a smaller chick....check. Interesting?....Oh fo sho!


At this point I'm still being polite. As offended as I am for not being fat enough (go figure right?) I'm thinking maybe he's just confused. My best friend did indicate my shoulders appear to be much smaller than in the past and most of my pictures are head shots. Most of my weight loss is shown in my face.


Then he wanted proof of my size. ::eye roll:: At this point I remembered why I sent him the first message. Thinking we could get along on a deeper level. Then I remember his first message which starts with "I'm not as superficial as it probably seems." Actually, yeah. This is probably the most superficial man in his 30s I have ever met. I'm thinking, "If you give a mouse a cookie." If he wants to judge me based on how fat or not fat I am, next my fat isn't going to be in the "right" places. That is where I decided to draw the line.

In his next message he accused me of lying about my size. Saying that other women told him they were "plus size" when in fact they weren't. Who does that? Sorry but you haven't shown me you are interesting or good looking enough for me to claim to weigh more than I do, especially after how hard I have worked to lose weight.

It all fell apart from here. Went completely downhill and I was just like okay. We have reached the point of no return. Clearly this is a fetish (which of course he claimed it wasn't..uhhh o-kay) and you have these notions about who I am that clearly aren't going away. Still giggling that the notions involve me being "too skinny."

I feel as though I should add this to my list of "Cons" of online dating. The man who clearly can't see past the physical or is too stubborn to even open his eyes. They claim they don't want to waste their time. Ummm tell me sir, what better do you have to do with your time? You've spent probably more than an hour messaging me at this point. If we meet you have nothing to lose, I pay for myself so there isn't any obligation. Cha-ching you aren't losing money. I make wonderful conversation and have a great time. I haven't had a first date not want a second. Proof is in the pudding asshole. So you spend an hour with someone who isn't physically your type, even though you are attracted to me (still confused) you aren't losing or wasting anything. Shallowness at it's finest.

I have the last laugh in this case because clearly he would have fallen in love if we'd met. Sucka.