Saturday "Date"

I met 4 different guys this past week. (Skank) I could give you the rundown of them all but it really wouldn't matter much. One I know I won't see again. Another I mentioned before and we are in a way too slow game of Words with Friends. The third is the easiest to get along with. Then there is the 4th.

I went into Saturday knowing very little about this guy compared to most when we meet. (This could have been the problem.) He originally asked me to hang out a few weeks ago and then I got sick. Truth be told there wasn't attraction but he seemed like a super nice guy and I really could use some friends, especially since it was his idea to meet that one of the local antique malls. One of my favorite places to go.

I get there, late of course. Will I ever be on time? We are walking around, he tells me what he looks out for there, where he is from and then he finally asks me what I do for work. (Yeah, I know the fact that we didn't know what the other did for work is kind of strange.) He tells me that he's in between jobs. Ugh. Great. Of course. Then he mentions that he is thinking about doing a little work with a friend of his selling cars. I imagine this guy totally being at a buy here, pay here lot just making a few bucks before he gets another big person job. My brother is a car salesman so I mention that, along with which dealership he's at. Ironically, his friend works at the same dealership as my brother. We compare about how each of them is doing. I've been told my brother isn't happy there, which I'm sure I mention and some how I think I say, "It's better than the job working at <insert name of company>, they really screwed him over." Then the large man standing next to me says. "I used to work at <insert name of company>." Haha, funny. Then he asks me my brothers name. At this point, I am feeling a little exposed. I get really strange about those things. Haha. I tell him anyway. Then he asks his last name. I'm really creeped at this point but tell him.

That's when he says it, "Oh yeah <insert name of brother> and I are friends, I go over to his house to play video games." What? Then he starts name dropping. My dad. Apparently, this man has met my entire family, except me. Including my grandma!

When we left I called my mom, right away. She DIED and said that she thought this dude and I should meet before I even moved down here. She is always thinking those are the kinds of men I should date. I don't get it. I made sure to tell her NOT to tell my brother. I wanted him to tell him.

Yesterday my phone rings, it's my brother. You can guess what it's about. Haha. His first words are, "How did your date go yesterday?" Then he gives my favorite laugh that he does when he thinks something is REALLY funny. I was surprised to find out this dude called it a date. I HATE that word. Not a date. Never a date. It makes me uncomfortable.

We got a good laugh out of the situation. It was funny and at least this dude isn't a creep. I've decided it might be time to slow down with the dating a little bit if I am meeting my brothers friends AND pre-screen a lot more. Wow.

At Least There Are Still Some Leaves on the Trees...For Now

When I am feeling really content with life sans man this blog suffers, really I think my other does as well. When it's all rainbows and unicorns who really wants to read that shit? Didn't you come here for the juicy details of my dating life, good and bad...not content. Ugh. Fuck me.

I still have the hots for the chef. Probably because he gives the most mixed signals ever. Let me rephrase that, I am reading way too much into his signals because I am so attracted to him. Something seriously sexy. He hasn't texted me since we met up, but he Facebook status comments frequently. UGH! So annoying. I am going with him not being interested because if I have learned anything, when a man wants something...he goes for it. Interested does not mean status commenting when you are bored. Again. So. Annoying.

Speaking of men being interested, a guy I went out with a few weeks ago under the knowledge he was just looking for friends appears to be really interested in me. Hmmmm. I really enjoyed his company but I would just want to be friends and he is saying things to indicate we are getting to know one another with the intention for there possibly being more. I feel nothing for this guy other than "Hey we could be really good friends, I like men friends.....that I'm not going to have sex with." Hopefully he can control himself. ;) First step, do not allow him to pay for dinner. To be honest, this is hard when I am broke and want to experience Charlotte cuisine. Hopefully he will get the hint before trying to go in for a kiss. I'm not looking to bruise his ego.

I went out Saturday with my little sister for my birthday and to watch the Ohio State/Michigan game. Go Bucks!! I'm glad the birthday went by with little said but plenty of beer. (After three large beverages, I was feeling pretty good) This was one I wasn't really looking forward to celebrating. Next year on the other hand....my last year in my 20s...it's on. So a nice young man, a mandolin player, sat down next to us and kept us company for a few hours. Boy did he make an impression on the sister and I! I've been hoping for a craigslist missed connection and my sister mentioned him yesterday! Hard pressed to find a man we both have the hots for. I will say, if he was interested he had a chance to get her number more than once when I was making my frequent trips to the restroom due to the ever shrinking size of my bladder. She did not leave me alone with the mandolin player. I'm going to go with the whole "if he is interested he will do what it takes" idea again and he would have asked for my number with her around. However, I think it was the first time I'd been out and actually met a man who kept my attention. He was adorable. I'd like to pretend he was feeling me. Oh! Woe is me for reals!

Dating in the dead of winter, I'm interested in seeing how this works out. I might have to go into hibernation until spring, where one can walk hand in hand with the man she fancies and be courted while every animal in town get busy making babies. Nah, I like a challenge and why wait?

Picture Tips for Men

A picture is worth a thousand words. We all know this. Through online dating I've had this drilled into my skull, looking at the many pictures of men who are not exactly putting their best foot forward, or face in this case. A picture will make or break you with me...not because of what you look like...it is something more.

Here is my list of common picture faux pas I frequently see:

-You Shirtless: Let me imagine what could be hiding under your tee. Maybe even rock the v-neck to give me a preview like women sometimes give. I really dislike the shirtless picture. It screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM!!" Especially when you are already on a dating site. This is not a turn on in the slightest, I don't need to know what you're workin' with, other than above the shoulders. A physical attraction will happen with your shirt on.

-You in the Mirror of Your Bathroom with Your Camera Phone: Hmmmm. You don't have any pictures of you otherwise? You don't know anyone who could take a picture of you? Why?

-Throwing up Deuces: not the old school hippie peace sign. It is kind of wanna be gangsta, I take myself a lotta too seriously and is especially horrible when you are wearing sunglasses...in the middle of the club. You are not a rapper, producer or anyone important enough to deuce me in your knock offs. Smile and act like life is worth living, not just for acting hard.

-Other Women: This for me is a big no-no. ESPECIALLY if you don't say that it is your sister or cousin or relative. It just gives a bad vibe. I'm interested in you, not what your friends or girlfriends look like. It also isn't cool to post pictures of your children. Quite scary in fact.

-Vehicle: So you drive a monster truck or a BMW. That really isn't you. To post a picture of you in front of your car is strange....unless you are a woman, who is half naked, posing for a magazine (and that is a whole other issue.) It is even worse when it is just your ride. Who cares? This says to me you are materialistic and will judge my car when you see it. Shania comes to mind. It doesn't impress me much.

-Deer heads-Yes. I know it seems like I shouldn't even have to say it. A picture of you holding a buck by the antlers not only makes me want to throw up and move on to the next profile, it also makes me want to express how little I imagine your penis being for feeling the need to show off the fact that you killed an innocent animal with a gun that you are probably not well trained enough to use. This honestly makes me quite sick. Contrary to 500 years ago, I don't need proof that you can support me by providing protection (with your idiot gun) or food (by harming something so innocent) I can just head to the grocery store and pick up a nice meal.

-Beer Bong: Or any bong really. I get it, you are probably younger than I am and drink a bit more than I do but this is a dating site. Why would you post a picture of you even holding a beer bong?

-At the Gym: Why? Okay, you go to the gym, so do I but I really don't need to see what you look like when you are working out.

I will say, with these types of pictures I am able to weed through the duds. Gotta look on the bright side.

On a non-dating related note. Not only is Thanksgiving fast approaching, but so is my birthday!! I will officially be 28. While I am not exactly excited about this getting older thing, since it is Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. Having a 4 day weekend birthday without having to request any time off is great!

Sorry, You're Too Skinny

Over the past 24 hours I have had one of the most interesting conversations that I have had in a while. While I try to really not get too down on the fact that people are so concerned with looks it gets really hard when things like this happen. Mind you, I have had my fair share of men. I'm not every dudes cup of tea but a wide variety have found themselves attracted not only mentally but physically. I'm a cute/hot/beautiful/interesting/sweet/kind... woman. Period.


So I am trying to open myself up to different kinds of men, you know we all have our preferences but if I stuck with that I might be limiting myself and really selling myself short. So I went out on a limb and messaged a guy with one picture (usually it's best to be able to see more than one cause, well... you know.) He seemed interesting and I thought we could have some things in common. Not exactly my style guy but that's really okay, there weren't any glaring physical issues that I was just like NO about.


This is the response I get back:


Look at you, lots of checks in my compatibility column. Well done. Here's the thing, and this is all me. I'm pretty much only interested in plus size chicks. I need to go back and mention that in my bio thingy. From what i can tell, you're not plus size...so it's a bit of an issue. With that, you are very attractive and very much my kind of gal.


My initial reaction was "Bullshit." For more than one reason.

Now maybe this is the time when I should mention that I am not small. By any means. Actually considered "plus size" by most standards. A size 14 in fact. Also I have lost 50 pounds, formerly a size 24 and very proud of the physical changes and accomplishments I've made over the last almost 2 years. I have every intention of continuing the trend and losing another at least 30 pounds if not more. You can guess that for a lot of my life I was told "You have a cute face but I'm not into plus size girls." It still stings.


So I asked this guy to define "plus size" for me. Because if you want someone my former size, well that isn't going to happen but again technically I do fall into that category.


The response:


I'm not as superficial as it prob seems, im not super specific. I just find the rubenesque figure more feminine that the typical smaller chick. Just me, it's the curves and softness i guess. I blame this ideal on my figure drawing classes in school. The bigger women were more interesting.


Well, yeah okay. That isn't exactly specific and what you are describing could definitely be me. Curves...check. Softness...as much as I hate to admit it...check. Not a smaller chick....check. Interesting?....Oh fo sho!


At this point I'm still being polite. As offended as I am for not being fat enough (go figure right?) I'm thinking maybe he's just confused. My best friend did indicate my shoulders appear to be much smaller than in the past and most of my pictures are head shots. Most of my weight loss is shown in my face.


Then he wanted proof of my size. ::eye roll:: At this point I remembered why I sent him the first message. Thinking we could get along on a deeper level. Then I remember his first message which starts with "I'm not as superficial as it probably seems." Actually, yeah. This is probably the most superficial man in his 30s I have ever met. I'm thinking, "If you give a mouse a cookie." If he wants to judge me based on how fat or not fat I am, next my fat isn't going to be in the "right" places. That is where I decided to draw the line.

In his next message he accused me of lying about my size. Saying that other women told him they were "plus size" when in fact they weren't. Who does that? Sorry but you haven't shown me you are interesting or good looking enough for me to claim to weigh more than I do, especially after how hard I have worked to lose weight.

It all fell apart from here. Went completely downhill and I was just like okay. We have reached the point of no return. Clearly this is a fetish (which of course he claimed it wasn't..uhhh o-kay) and you have these notions about who I am that clearly aren't going away. Still giggling that the notions involve me being "too skinny."

I feel as though I should add this to my list of "Cons" of online dating. The man who clearly can't see past the physical or is too stubborn to even open his eyes. They claim they don't want to waste their time. Ummm tell me sir, what better do you have to do with your time? You've spent probably more than an hour messaging me at this point. If we meet you have nothing to lose, I pay for myself so there isn't any obligation. Cha-ching you aren't losing money. I make wonderful conversation and have a great time. I haven't had a first date not want a second. Proof is in the pudding asshole. So you spend an hour with someone who isn't physically your type, even though you are attracted to me (still confused) you aren't losing or wasting anything. Shallowness at it's finest.

I have the last laugh in this case because clearly he would have fallen in love if we'd met. Sucka.

One Man's Trash...Another Man's Treasure???

Is it wrong to feel like this little saying applies to dating? I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone, think about that really annoying co-worker who's husband adores her or crazy family member who has been paired up since the dawn of time. How many times have you or someone you know said "I just don't get it, why am I still single?" I have to hope it is because my dude on a white horse....or bass guitar has not come along and when he does I will not have to wonder anymore.

I take this matter into my own hands and don't wait for him to show up at my door. I know if I did that I would be waiting around forever and I really feel like if I don't meet as many men as possible, I may not appreciate him when he does come along. I'm a firm believer in knowing what I want. The only way that will happen is by personal experience.

With that being said, I....the Semi-Reformed Bad Girl....am an online dater. Ahhh, now you can see why I would liken my search to the whole "one man's trash...." The Internet seems to be the place where men go once they have split up and all friends are connected to the ex which in turn means they can't find another chick within the circle.

Here is my list of pros and cons of online dating. I do not pay for online dating sites and do not do the whole long distance thing. So my experience comes from craigslist.org...SCARY I know and plentyoffish.com (I'm stealing the whole bullet list idea from a friends blog...it looked so clean!)

Pros:

• A large pool of men in a concentrated area
• The opportunity to be completely honest about who you are and know that some people are in your same situation
• Pictures...online datings best friend
• POF has specific questions that people answer when making a profile
• Finding someone you have already had a romp in the sheets with a few years ago
• A quick way to determine if a man has what you are looking for
• Having the upper hand, it's not like you have to make up an excuse on why you don't want to talk to them if they sent you a message that was less than stellar
• Meeting someone in person and they are even better looking/more awesome than on their profile
• Great if you are a busy person

Cons:

• A large pool of women, maybe it's just me but it seems like men are always interested in the next new shiny toy. This very well could be a product of men not knowing what they want or not being prepared for what they think they want
• Dishonesty. There seems to be a disconnect where people maybe kind of make up who they are or what they have to offer since technically they don't know the person they are speaking to
• Someone who is more interesting online...This has been a rare for me but it happens
• The player...after years of doing this...I can smell him from a mile away.
• Finding someone you had a romp in the sheets with a few years ago
• The stigma attached to "online dating" even though "everyone is doing it"

Overall I like online dating, if it doesn't work out then you don't have to explain to anyone what happened or really ever see him again. If your friends set you up, the date is horrible and you happen to see him out when you are both with friends....ak-ward.

I think the biggest downside that I have found is the man who isn't being honest with himself. He has baggage that he hasn't dealt with, he is looking for a woman to replace what he had and he just isn't really ready for a relationship. Online dating gives people an easy rebound. If it weren't for online dating people would have to focus more on themselves instead of the task of finding someone new.

My tips for online dating? Fun. A fun profile with little of what you don't like and more of what you do. Something that makes you stand out..a silly picture. I find it easier to know how interested a man is by the first message. If he has read my profile and looked at the captions of my pictures, he is more likely to comment, then in turn showing me that he took the time to actually read what I had to say. Have fun. It is hard to not get your hopes up but if you look at it with an open mind and a way to experience new things and people...it can be a lot of fun. Just be you. There is no sense in making up anything. It makes it more enjoyable when you just do you.

I would be interested in others thoughts on online dating. Have you done it? Had any success? I only know of one couple who met online that are together and appear to be life partners. While my stories are sometimes good, I wonder if I will meet my mate via the Internet. I need a time machine damn it!