FML

Bah. I had my chance on neutral turf to put myself out there to the crush. But I didn't because I have a pussy and am a pussy. All I can do is shake my head. I guess I just think it's possible that he would make a move. I have met enough men to know when they want something, they go for it. It seems to be in their nature. It's not in mine.

I feel like I have put out for enough men in my life that MAYBE just MAYBE I could get up the balls to do what so many seem to be able to do. Ask someone out. I wouldn't even know what to say. Why do I even have such the hots for this dude?

Here are some of the things I have thought up most of them silly as hell since I have a hard time taking anything serious and why would I want to get all serious on some stranger. Who asks out strangers anymore? They say you can meet someone anywhere and they also mention the grocery store. I have seriously been online dating for like ever. Which probably speaks volumes. This is just going to go downhill from here.

-"Did you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them." Why not? What is wrong with saying this? Especially when it's clearly a joke, and MUST be a way to break the ice. It's not like I'm some douche with an Ed Hardy tee on. I have wet, home done ombre hair with an army green tee and comfy pants because I SO didn't think I was going to run into him because first off I wasn't going into Trader Joes and secondly because I haven't seen him in a few weeks. I thought maybe he got another job, or died or something. (Okay joking about the dying thing.)

-"Are you single?" This is very to the point. Similar would be "Do I have a shot in hell?" Even if he is single he could always say "No" or "Hey stalker."

-"Would you like to squire me about town with the possibility of feeling me up afterwards?" This not only could be silly but also peak his interest since he has a penis...as long as he's into women.

-"LITTLE RED CORVETTE!!!!" For some reason this is what popped in my head when I saw that it was HIM getting out of the little red Camaro today. It probably isn't the first time someone has made the joke.

-"Care to have a drink sometime?" Also simple and to the point. If he says no, walk away. Quickly. And find another Trader Joes.

-"I'm fairly new in town, you look not crazy and I sure could use some social interaction. Wanna hang out?" All truth with a side of desperation without making it sound datish.

-"Wow so much for that rapture." Yeah I know the rapture is old news HOWEVER this could lead into finding out how he feels about religion. It sure as hell brought that out at work. One woman stated, "I'm a Pagan." Another was all like "You're a Pagan?!?!?!?" with a combination of shock, distrust and judgement in her voice.

-"Sure would be nice to get laid just one last time before the end of the world comes. Sigh." Also truth and an attention getter, again as long as he likes the vag. Which brings me to....

-"Penis vs Pussy. Do you have a preference?" At least I would find out if I have a chance at all. I definitely don't get the impression he is gay but you don't know.

I still feel like our little encounter today had sparks. I swear I am starting to wonder if I am crazy. That is what I think is the worst of it all. I say things to try to justify my crush and they sound so whacked out like I have been taking some serious, hardcore, mind fucking drugs. Then I think to myself "Okay, first you aren't crazy because as the saying goes you aren't crazy if you question your craziness. Also he acts different than most men seeing a lady a few spaces a way in a parking lot. I am really good at reading people." Then I second guess myself.

Fuck this blog has gone into the crazy zone. I seriously have to stop before someone tries to commit me.

Soooo glad I am getting away this weekend. Wearing beach wear and pretending I'm a Hawaiian Tropic model will hopefully make me forget about how clearly crazy I have gotten. This MUST have something to do with the fact I am close to 30 and single. Some days I seriously don't know who I am and I REALLY hate that.

Off to do a google search on not knowing who you are anymore or who you have turned into.

I am Alive....

And not dating. WTF?

My fucking horoscope said I was supposed to find my man this month. Well, its the 20th and the world will end tomorrow. Soooooooo.