When I am feeling really content with life sans man this blog suffers, really I think my other does as well. When it's all rainbows and unicorns who really wants to read that shit? Didn't you come here for the juicy details of my dating life, good and bad...not content. Ugh. Fuck me.
I still have the hots for the chef. Probably because he gives the most mixed signals ever. Let me rephrase that, I am reading way too much into his signals because I am so attracted to him. Something seriously sexy. He hasn't texted me since we met up, but he Facebook status comments frequently. UGH! So annoying. I am going with him not being interested because if I have learned anything, when a man wants something...he goes for it. Interested does not mean status commenting when you are bored. Again. So. Annoying.
Speaking of men being interested, a guy I went out with a few weeks ago under the knowledge he was just looking for friends appears to be really interested in me. Hmmmm. I really enjoyed his company but I would just want to be friends and he is saying things to indicate we are getting to know one another with the intention for there possibly being more. I feel nothing for this guy other than "Hey we could be really good friends, I like men friends.....that I'm not going to have sex with." Hopefully he can control himself. ;) First step, do not allow him to pay for dinner. To be honest, this is hard when I am broke and want to experience Charlotte cuisine. Hopefully he will get the hint before trying to go in for a kiss. I'm not looking to bruise his ego.
I went out Saturday with my little sister for my birthday and to watch the Ohio State/Michigan game. Go Bucks!! I'm glad the birthday went by with little said but plenty of beer. (After three large beverages, I was feeling pretty good) This was one I wasn't really looking forward to celebrating. Next year on the other hand....my last year in my 20s...it's on. So a nice young man, a mandolin player, sat down next to us and kept us company for a few hours. Boy did he make an impression on the sister and I! I've been hoping for a craigslist missed connection and my sister mentioned him yesterday! Hard pressed to find a man we both have the hots for. I will say, if he was interested he had a chance to get her number more than once when I was making my frequent trips to the restroom due to the ever shrinking size of my bladder. She did not leave me alone with the mandolin player. I'm going to go with the whole "if he is interested he will do what it takes" idea again and he would have asked for my number with her around. However, I think it was the first time I'd been out and actually met a man who kept my attention. He was adorable. I'd like to pretend he was feeling me. Oh! Woe is me for reals!
Dating in the dead of winter, I'm interested in seeing how this works out. I might have to go into hibernation until spring, where one can walk hand in hand with the man she fancies and be courted while every animal in town get busy making babies. Nah, I like a challenge and why wait?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The Life of A Cheap Whore
So a few weeks ago or so I posted a craigslist ad. In the past I have had much success with the good old craigslist, this is not one of those times. Had an interesting email conversation, met no one and got called mean and nasty names. Apparently, some people haven't learned that just because I post an ad doesn't make me a punching bag for all of the women who have hurt you, it also does not mean I will fuck you.
There was a guy who seemed totally interesting at first, until he started talking about us meeting up. I wish I'd kept the emails to get the exact words. I politely declined his idea to meet that day for lunch. I also made it clear he was being a little pushy and that I didn't like the talk of kissing someone who I didn't know and that it set a bad idea of what could happen. He apologized and we went back to email basics.
Until I got his final email which asked me if we got to know each other if he could go down on me. Hmmmmm. While like most women the thought is appealing, it definitely was not appealing with him and I didn't even bother responding. Back in the day my response might have been, "If you hadn't said anything like that you might have gotten whatever you wanted." Being a tease is sometimes fun. Instead I just didn't respond. Always the best bet. To ignore a man who is clearly just trying to get attention or an easy fuck.
I get a text yesterday from someone I don't know. (I have a tendency to take people out of my phone who I haven't talked to in a while.) So I responded with "Who is this?" He responded with "Chris, the pushy one." At first it didn't ring a bell, then I was like UGH! So I ignored it and he then asked what I was doing. I really hate that question, none of your business. So finally I was just like, "Obviously, if I don't know who you are I'm not interested in talking with you. Please take me out of your phone. Thanks. :)"
His response was classic: "Wow. And you are also a total bitch too. Later cheap whore."
I should have responded with "Yo Momma!"
Love it. I promptly texted it to my best friend. I don't quite know where the *and* and *too* come from since he wasn't name calling before. I'm guessing his grasp on the concept of the English language is limited.
I'd rather be a cheap whore bitch than an idiot.
There was a guy who seemed totally interesting at first, until he started talking about us meeting up. I wish I'd kept the emails to get the exact words. I politely declined his idea to meet that day for lunch. I also made it clear he was being a little pushy and that I didn't like the talk of kissing someone who I didn't know and that it set a bad idea of what could happen. He apologized and we went back to email basics.
Until I got his final email which asked me if we got to know each other if he could go down on me. Hmmmmm. While like most women the thought is appealing, it definitely was not appealing with him and I didn't even bother responding. Back in the day my response might have been, "If you hadn't said anything like that you might have gotten whatever you wanted." Being a tease is sometimes fun. Instead I just didn't respond. Always the best bet. To ignore a man who is clearly just trying to get attention or an easy fuck.
I get a text yesterday from someone I don't know. (I have a tendency to take people out of my phone who I haven't talked to in a while.) So I responded with "Who is this?" He responded with "Chris, the pushy one." At first it didn't ring a bell, then I was like UGH! So I ignored it and he then asked what I was doing. I really hate that question, none of your business. So finally I was just like, "Obviously, if I don't know who you are I'm not interested in talking with you. Please take me out of your phone. Thanks. :)"
His response was classic: "Wow. And you are also a total bitch too. Later cheap whore."
I should have responded with "Yo Momma!"
Love it. I promptly texted it to my best friend. I don't quite know where the *and* and *too* come from since he wasn't name calling before. I'm guessing his grasp on the concept of the English language is limited.
I'd rather be a cheap whore bitch than an idiot.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Picture Tips for Men
A picture is worth a thousand words. We all know this. Through online dating I've had this drilled into my skull, looking at the many pictures of men who are not exactly putting their best foot forward, or face in this case. A picture will make or break you with me...not because of what you look like...it is something more.
Here is my list of common picture faux pas I frequently see:
-You Shirtless: Let me imagine what could be hiding under your tee. Maybe even rock the v-neck to give me a preview like women sometimes give. I really dislike the shirtless picture. It screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM!!" Especially when you are already on a dating site. This is not a turn on in the slightest, I don't need to know what you're workin' with, other than above the shoulders. A physical attraction will happen with your shirt on.
-You in the Mirror of Your Bathroom with Your Camera Phone: Hmmmm. You don't have any pictures of you otherwise? You don't know anyone who could take a picture of you? Why?
-Throwing up Deuces: not the old school hippie peace sign. It is kind of wanna be gangsta, I take myself a lotta too seriously and is especially horrible when you are wearing sunglasses...in the middle of the club. You are not a rapper, producer or anyone important enough to deuce me in your knock offs. Smile and act like life is worth living, not just for acting hard.
-Other Women: This for me is a big no-no. ESPECIALLY if you don't say that it is your sister or cousin or relative. It just gives a bad vibe. I'm interested in you, not what your friends or girlfriends look like. It also isn't cool to post pictures of your children. Quite scary in fact.
-Vehicle: So you drive a monster truck or a BMW. That really isn't you. To post a picture of you in front of your car is strange....unless you are a woman, who is half naked, posing for a magazine (and that is a whole other issue.) It is even worse when it is just your ride. Who cares? This says to me you are materialistic and will judge my car when you see it. Shania comes to mind. It doesn't impress me much.
-Deer heads-Yes. I know it seems like I shouldn't even have to say it. A picture of you holding a buck by the antlers not only makes me want to throw up and move on to the next profile, it also makes me want to express how little I imagine your penis being for feeling the need to show off the fact that you killed an innocent animal with a gun that you are probably not well trained enough to use. This honestly makes me quite sick. Contrary to 500 years ago, I don't need proof that you can support me by providing protection (with your idiot gun) or food (by harming something so innocent) I can just head to the grocery store and pick up a nice meal.
-Beer Bong: Or any bong really. I get it, you are probably younger than I am and drink a bit more than I do but this is a dating site. Why would you post a picture of you even holding a beer bong?
-At the Gym: Why? Okay, you go to the gym, so do I but I really don't need to see what you look like when you are working out.
I will say, with these types of pictures I am able to weed through the duds. Gotta look on the bright side.
On a non-dating related note. Not only is Thanksgiving fast approaching, but so is my birthday!! I will officially be 28. While I am not exactly excited about this getting older thing, since it is Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. Having a 4 day weekend birthday without having to request any time off is great!
Here is my list of common picture faux pas I frequently see:
-You Shirtless: Let me imagine what could be hiding under your tee. Maybe even rock the v-neck to give me a preview like women sometimes give. I really dislike the shirtless picture. It screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM!!" Especially when you are already on a dating site. This is not a turn on in the slightest, I don't need to know what you're workin' with, other than above the shoulders. A physical attraction will happen with your shirt on.
-You in the Mirror of Your Bathroom with Your Camera Phone: Hmmmm. You don't have any pictures of you otherwise? You don't know anyone who could take a picture of you? Why?
-Throwing up Deuces: not the old school hippie peace sign. It is kind of wanna be gangsta, I take myself a lotta too seriously and is especially horrible when you are wearing sunglasses...in the middle of the club. You are not a rapper, producer or anyone important enough to deuce me in your knock offs. Smile and act like life is worth living, not just for acting hard.
-Other Women: This for me is a big no-no. ESPECIALLY if you don't say that it is your sister or cousin or relative. It just gives a bad vibe. I'm interested in you, not what your friends or girlfriends look like. It also isn't cool to post pictures of your children. Quite scary in fact.
-Vehicle: So you drive a monster truck or a BMW. That really isn't you. To post a picture of you in front of your car is strange....unless you are a woman, who is half naked, posing for a magazine (and that is a whole other issue.) It is even worse when it is just your ride. Who cares? This says to me you are materialistic and will judge my car when you see it. Shania comes to mind. It doesn't impress me much.
-Deer heads-Yes. I know it seems like I shouldn't even have to say it. A picture of you holding a buck by the antlers not only makes me want to throw up and move on to the next profile, it also makes me want to express how little I imagine your penis being for feeling the need to show off the fact that you killed an innocent animal with a gun that you are probably not well trained enough to use. This honestly makes me quite sick. Contrary to 500 years ago, I don't need proof that you can support me by providing protection (with your idiot gun) or food (by harming something so innocent) I can just head to the grocery store and pick up a nice meal.
-Beer Bong: Or any bong really. I get it, you are probably younger than I am and drink a bit more than I do but this is a dating site. Why would you post a picture of you even holding a beer bong?
-At the Gym: Why? Okay, you go to the gym, so do I but I really don't need to see what you look like when you are working out.
I will say, with these types of pictures I am able to weed through the duds. Gotta look on the bright side.
On a non-dating related note. Not only is Thanksgiving fast approaching, but so is my birthday!! I will officially be 28. While I am not exactly excited about this getting older thing, since it is Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. Having a 4 day weekend birthday without having to request any time off is great!
Friday, November 19, 2010
My Philosopher
My ex is an interesting kind of guy. Smart and attractive....however he also is closed off with an interest strictly in Philosophy. Life in general doesn't hold much interest to him, a relationship is different in his eyes as it comes after Philosophy. On the outside he seems like a straight up asshole, caring only about himself and making it very difficult to have a relationship with, especially being the type of woman I am where I need attention, affection and someone who is clearly devoted to me even though he has a life of his own. The ex does not have the ability to give me what I need out of a relationship, I don't want to give him an out or some excuse for the way he's acted in the past but he doesn't think quite like the rest of us. What attracted me to him in the first place I believe was ultimately the undoing of our relationship.
I love him. Very much. Our connection is special, unlike anything I've ever experienced. I still frequently picture our children. I'm sure he does as well...they would be beautiful, smart, wonderful people....as creepy as that sounds. ha! This man is the one who made me want to change my "bad girl" ways.
It will never work no matter how hard I try. There are probably women who are able to have a distant partner but I am not one of them and he will never be able to be the man I need.
He sent me a text last night, "I was looking forward to your visit." (I was supposed to go "home" in two weeks. I moved in April to be with my family and haven't been back since.) I'm not overly emotional but I know what these words mean coming from him. This is his way of saying, I wanted to see you and I have missed you. It almost made me cry. I know he hasn't seen anyone since we split..close to a year ago. I know he feels that if he will ever marry, it will probably be to me. I'm torn.
Family and friends will say "He's not the one for you." Yeah, I get it but he will always hold a special place in my heart. I often wonder if there is another connection like this out there for me or if I will just end up with someone who adores me, is the affectionate, attentive man I know I need.
In a relationship can we have it all? Do people end up settling for what they know they can live with? I feel like so many couples I know seem to have settled. Maybe it is outsiders perspective. I want passion and stability. I just don't know if those two things go together.
I love him. Very much. Our connection is special, unlike anything I've ever experienced. I still frequently picture our children. I'm sure he does as well...they would be beautiful, smart, wonderful people....as creepy as that sounds. ha! This man is the one who made me want to change my "bad girl" ways.
It will never work no matter how hard I try. There are probably women who are able to have a distant partner but I am not one of them and he will never be able to be the man I need.
He sent me a text last night, "I was looking forward to your visit." (I was supposed to go "home" in two weeks. I moved in April to be with my family and haven't been back since.) I'm not overly emotional but I know what these words mean coming from him. This is his way of saying, I wanted to see you and I have missed you. It almost made me cry. I know he hasn't seen anyone since we split..close to a year ago. I know he feels that if he will ever marry, it will probably be to me. I'm torn.
Family and friends will say "He's not the one for you." Yeah, I get it but he will always hold a special place in my heart. I often wonder if there is another connection like this out there for me or if I will just end up with someone who adores me, is the affectionate, attentive man I know I need.
In a relationship can we have it all? Do people end up settling for what they know they can live with? I feel like so many couples I know seem to have settled. Maybe it is outsiders perspective. I want passion and stability. I just don't know if those two things go together.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Phone Lovin'
It was brought to my attention a few weeks ago from a friend of mine that we "used to have phone sex" and "I still think you are awesome anyway." This was an interesting statement because for one I haven't had phone sex in forever AND the fact that he would feel the need to tell me I was "awesome anyway" was an interesting addition to the first statement. Oh engineers, they always have a way of saying things in a way to make you feel like a skank.
I started thinking about it though. Phone sex has so many advantages. No STDs/pregnancy, it's pretty hard to get attached to someone via the phone, safest form of sex their is. I've been told I have a sexy voice so in the past getting laid over the phone was much easier than in person. I know, don't cry for me Argentina, I survived....partially because of all of the phone sex I had. I bet my phone sex partners out number those who actually got it in by double or triple.
Once I was so into it, a neighbor (or set of neighbors) stopped my roommate in the parking lot asking if everything in our apartment was okay. The conversation indicated a "picture fell off of their wall" and at first I didn't get it. Until I thought about it. Phone sex. They thought I was having actual sex. ha ha. Hopefully this isn't one of those stories my roommate created to tell me she was tired of hearing my escapades (which is total fair,) because I like the idea of neighbors thinking I am having wild kinky sex when in fact I was not.
The desire just isn't there anymore, I need something physical. Something to look at, touch, hold and the shape of a phone isn't exactly phallic enough for me. Of course it is still a good alternative for when your man is away and you'd like to share some fantasies or something, keep his attention.
Phone sex is like "Sex Lite," like the free version of an iPhone application. Not the same but good enough to get you through.
To end this on a "It's all about me and I need my ego stroked" note: After bringing up the fact that I felt my engineer friend had basically admitted he thought I was a whore, he confessed his crush. I was flattered. He actually had a thing for me. Who knew.
I started thinking about it though. Phone sex has so many advantages. No STDs/pregnancy, it's pretty hard to get attached to someone via the phone, safest form of sex their is. I've been told I have a sexy voice so in the past getting laid over the phone was much easier than in person. I know, don't cry for me Argentina, I survived....partially because of all of the phone sex I had. I bet my phone sex partners out number those who actually got it in by double or triple.
Once I was so into it, a neighbor (or set of neighbors) stopped my roommate in the parking lot asking if everything in our apartment was okay. The conversation indicated a "picture fell off of their wall" and at first I didn't get it. Until I thought about it. Phone sex. They thought I was having actual sex. ha ha. Hopefully this isn't one of those stories my roommate created to tell me she was tired of hearing my escapades (which is total fair,) because I like the idea of neighbors thinking I am having wild kinky sex when in fact I was not.
The desire just isn't there anymore, I need something physical. Something to look at, touch, hold and the shape of a phone isn't exactly phallic enough for me. Of course it is still a good alternative for when your man is away and you'd like to share some fantasies or something, keep his attention.
Phone sex is like "Sex Lite," like the free version of an iPhone application. Not the same but good enough to get you through.
To end this on a "It's all about me and I need my ego stroked" note: After bringing up the fact that I felt my engineer friend had basically admitted he thought I was a whore, he confessed his crush. I was flattered. He actually had a thing for me. Who knew.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Meat Market
So I have a little crush on the one I met with on Thursday. I did find tea. It was so amazingly fabulous. Maybe I had a crush on the tea. He is physically attractive with a great smile, a voice sent from the gods (I have a thing for a man with a sexy voice) and overall someone I would like to see again/get to know. I feel as though I made it clear I wanted to see him again. We will see, at this point it isn't looking promising. Sad face.
Saturday night I met my sister and her friend out at a bar/club/cougar town. It was the first time I have really been out since I moved here and the first time I've been to a straight persons "meat market" in years. You know the place.....men standing around scouting everything, judging....women wearing too much make-up, hair looking like they are going to prom and skirts up to the coochie. Yeah. Instead of standing, watching my sister drunk as shit...I would have rather sat my happy ass in a corner and people watched. Better yet I would have wanted to just go to a real bar. Made for drinking...not fucking. Apparently the laws do not permit that (something the chef told me Thursday) you have to sell food or a membership to serve liquor. What kind of city is this???
I enjoyed being more than slightly tipsy. I was to be honest, kind of drunk. Not hot mess drunk like my sister...I was able to keep it together. I came home wishing I was who I was a few years ago, skankalicious. I really could have used a good old fashion "Wanna Fuck?" text to some random dude in my phone. I'm glad I didn't but since I had been having the desire, the alcohol just made it worse. I felt as though I needed some kind of validation since at the bar there was this old ass white lady grinding with this fine ass black man...apparently the cougar is in full force in this town. Maybe I should remind myself I have something to look forward to when I am old. Some BBC.
I realized that I have made the right decision to seek dudes on the Internet. It is far less degrading than finding some scuzzy/sleazy/nasty dude at the meat market.
Saturday night I met my sister and her friend out at a bar/club/cougar town. It was the first time I have really been out since I moved here and the first time I've been to a straight persons "meat market" in years. You know the place.....men standing around scouting everything, judging....women wearing too much make-up, hair looking like they are going to prom and skirts up to the coochie. Yeah. Instead of standing, watching my sister drunk as shit...I would have rather sat my happy ass in a corner and people watched. Better yet I would have wanted to just go to a real bar. Made for drinking...not fucking. Apparently the laws do not permit that (something the chef told me Thursday) you have to sell food or a membership to serve liquor. What kind of city is this???
I enjoyed being more than slightly tipsy. I was to be honest, kind of drunk. Not hot mess drunk like my sister...I was able to keep it together. I came home wishing I was who I was a few years ago, skankalicious. I really could have used a good old fashion "Wanna Fuck?" text to some random dude in my phone. I'm glad I didn't but since I had been having the desire, the alcohol just made it worse. I felt as though I needed some kind of validation since at the bar there was this old ass white lady grinding with this fine ass black man...apparently the cougar is in full force in this town. Maybe I should remind myself I have something to look forward to when I am old. Some BBC.
I realized that I have made the right decision to seek dudes on the Internet. It is far less degrading than finding some scuzzy/sleazy/nasty dude at the meat market.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
We're Havin A Bubble Bath
I can't be the only one who sees Facebook as a crock of shit. I do play along. Sometimes I get a kick out of what I see on there or the occasional post that busts someone out. I'm the Facebook bitch. My guess is because I really find it to be a place where people brag about what they have or complain about what they don't. I'm guilty of that. Prior to this blog I was in a really short relationship/dating thing that went up in straight flames, felt like the worst ever. One day everything was great and we were heading towards love...the next I was straight up dumped. During that period of time I let the world....or Facebook know what I was going through. I think it is the reason why I decided to start this blog. If I felt that there was a place for me to vent all of my shit I maybe wouldn't have exposed as many people to my heartache.
Okay, with all that being said...since apparently I am getting off topic....Facebook proves to me that I am grateful to be single at almost 28 years old. I am Facebook friends with a girl I went to high school with who is married to her high school sweetheart and he is the reason for this post. Her husband was not the best looking guy in town, but certainly the best looking of all of his friends and she had the best looking man of all of her friends. I don't know what happened to him, maybe it is purely weight gain but he has NOT aged well at all. His 20s were not kind to him at all.
While overall it would be nice to have a man, an actual man. Not just someone with a penis, penis is nice don't get me wrong but I can get that anytime. I'm really getting off topic today, I just am glad I have lived, experienced different men and I am grateful to not be one of those who married her high school sweetheart.
I had a "date" Saturday. (I really dislike that term.) We went to see a movie and the spark wasn't there. (Meaning we weren't physically attracted to each other. Ha!) Probably partially because he decided to see a movie. Hello, you won't get to know me that way! One way or another he is a nice enough guy. We both agreed that there wasn't anything there. I like to agree. It kind of sucks because he is a cuddler. I LOVE to cuddle. I offered my friendship...he didn't seem too interested in that. Eh. I considered offering him a blow job but then I realized I didn't want to suck him.
Thursday I am supposed to be having a meet up with a chef who owns a chihuahua. Perfect. I love to eat and if you throw in my chihuahuas, it's a party. Fingers crossed this is the time when I find tea. Yes, this is a tea exploration meet up. I'm looking forward to this one. He seems like the type who is just going to be himself. Take it or leave it. Open minded and interesting.
I talked with the ex last night and felt like I was almost in love again. He sounded great, happy and like he actually wanted to talk with me. This really is one of those situations where I wish it would have worked out but not matter how hard we try, it just probably never will. It's frustrating. I think he still holds out hope for us. There is a part of me that does as well.
I posted a craigslist ad, let's see what comes of this. I've realized craigslist is a bunch of new men in town. Get them while their hot!!
Okay, with all that being said...since apparently I am getting off topic....Facebook proves to me that I am grateful to be single at almost 28 years old. I am Facebook friends with a girl I went to high school with who is married to her high school sweetheart and he is the reason for this post. Her husband was not the best looking guy in town, but certainly the best looking of all of his friends and she had the best looking man of all of her friends. I don't know what happened to him, maybe it is purely weight gain but he has NOT aged well at all. His 20s were not kind to him at all.
While overall it would be nice to have a man, an actual man. Not just someone with a penis, penis is nice don't get me wrong but I can get that anytime. I'm really getting off topic today, I just am glad I have lived, experienced different men and I am grateful to not be one of those who married her high school sweetheart.
I had a "date" Saturday. (I really dislike that term.) We went to see a movie and the spark wasn't there. (Meaning we weren't physically attracted to each other. Ha!) Probably partially because he decided to see a movie. Hello, you won't get to know me that way! One way or another he is a nice enough guy. We both agreed that there wasn't anything there. I like to agree. It kind of sucks because he is a cuddler. I LOVE to cuddle. I offered my friendship...he didn't seem too interested in that. Eh. I considered offering him a blow job but then I realized I didn't want to suck him.
Thursday I am supposed to be having a meet up with a chef who owns a chihuahua. Perfect. I love to eat and if you throw in my chihuahuas, it's a party. Fingers crossed this is the time when I find tea. Yes, this is a tea exploration meet up. I'm looking forward to this one. He seems like the type who is just going to be himself. Take it or leave it. Open minded and interesting.
I talked with the ex last night and felt like I was almost in love again. He sounded great, happy and like he actually wanted to talk with me. This really is one of those situations where I wish it would have worked out but not matter how hard we try, it just probably never will. It's frustrating. I think he still holds out hope for us. There is a part of me that does as well.
I posted a craigslist ad, let's see what comes of this. I've realized craigslist is a bunch of new men in town. Get them while their hot!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Camera Man Post #1
Flaky! It is amazing how quickly a man can change his mind. This time yesterday I set up a date for this evening with a 38 year old camera man. Yeah, I know over 10 years older isn't exactly what I am looking for but he seemed fun and interesting.
This morning I get a text "I thought my friend's bday party was next week, but it's tonight. Can we plan for early next week? I'm so sorry."
My first thought: Bullshit.
The night before he was ALL about some Semi-Reformed Bad Girl then last night...nothing. If you go from "Oh you are so adorable, I can't wait to spend time together." to nothing the next night. Red Flag. The night before he even in a kind of crazy way said "I believe everything happens for a reason." Wow really? Let's not go there at least until we meet.
I'll allow him to take me out early next week but I'm willing to bet money it never happens.
This morning I get a text "I thought my friend's bday party was next week, but it's tonight. Can we plan for early next week? I'm so sorry."
My first thought: Bullshit.
The night before he was ALL about some Semi-Reformed Bad Girl then last night...nothing. If you go from "Oh you are so adorable, I can't wait to spend time together." to nothing the next night. Red Flag. The night before he even in a kind of crazy way said "I believe everything happens for a reason." Wow really? Let's not go there at least until we meet.
I'll allow him to take me out early next week but I'm willing to bet money it never happens.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Sorry, You're Too Skinny
Over the past 24 hours I have had one of the most interesting conversations that I have had in a while. While I try to really not get too down on the fact that people are so concerned with looks it gets really hard when things like this happen. Mind you, I have had my fair share of men. I'm not every dudes cup of tea but a wide variety have found themselves attracted not only mentally but physically. I'm a cute/hot/beautiful/interesting/sweet/kind... woman. Period.
So I am trying to open myself up to different kinds of men, you know we all have our preferences but if I stuck with that I might be limiting myself and really selling myself short. So I went out on a limb and messaged a guy with one picture (usually it's best to be able to see more than one cause, well... you know.) He seemed interesting and I thought we could have some things in common. Not exactly my style guy but that's really okay, there weren't any glaring physical issues that I was just like NO about.
This is the response I get back:
Look at you, lots of checks in my compatibility column. Well done. Here's the thing, and this is all me. I'm pretty much only interested in plus size chicks. I need to go back and mention that in my bio thingy. From what i can tell, you're not plus size...so it's a bit of an issue. With that, you are very attractive and very much my kind of gal.
My initial reaction was "Bullshit." For more than one reason.
Now maybe this is the time when I should mention that I am not small. By any means. Actually considered "plus size" by most standards. A size 14 in fact. Also I have lost 50 pounds, formerly a size 24 and very proud of the physical changes and accomplishments I've made over the last almost 2 years. I have every intention of continuing the trend and losing another at least 30 pounds if not more. You can guess that for a lot of my life I was told "You have a cute face but I'm not into plus size girls." It still stings.
So I asked this guy to define "plus size" for me. Because if you want someone my former size, well that isn't going to happen but again technically I do fall into that category.
The response:
I'm not as superficial as it prob seems, im not super specific. I just find the rubenesque figure more feminine that the typical smaller chick. Just me, it's the curves and softness i guess. I blame this ideal on my figure drawing classes in school. The bigger women were more interesting.
Well, yeah okay. That isn't exactly specific and what you are describing could definitely be me. Curves...check. Softness...as much as I hate to admit it...check. Not a smaller chick....check. Interesting?....Oh fo sho!
At this point I'm still being polite. As offended as I am for not being fat enough (go figure right?) I'm thinking maybe he's just confused. My best friend did indicate my shoulders appear to be much smaller than in the past and most of my pictures are head shots. Most of my weight loss is shown in my face.
Then he wanted proof of my size. ::eye roll:: At this point I remembered why I sent him the first message. Thinking we could get along on a deeper level. Then I remember his first message which starts with "I'm not as superficial as it probably seems." Actually, yeah. This is probably the most superficial man in his 30s I have ever met. I'm thinking, "If you give a mouse a cookie." If he wants to judge me based on how fat or not fat I am, next my fat isn't going to be in the "right" places. That is where I decided to draw the line.
In his next message he accused me of lying about my size. Saying that other women told him they were "plus size" when in fact they weren't. Who does that? Sorry but you haven't shown me you are interesting or good looking enough for me to claim to weigh more than I do, especially after how hard I have worked to lose weight.
It all fell apart from here. Went completely downhill and I was just like okay. We have reached the point of no return. Clearly this is a fetish (which of course he claimed it wasn't..uhhh o-kay) and you have these notions about who I am that clearly aren't going away. Still giggling that the notions involve me being "too skinny."
I feel as though I should add this to my list of "Cons" of online dating. The man who clearly can't see past the physical or is too stubborn to even open his eyes. They claim they don't want to waste their time. Ummm tell me sir, what better do you have to do with your time? You've spent probably more than an hour messaging me at this point. If we meet you have nothing to lose, I pay for myself so there isn't any obligation. Cha-ching you aren't losing money. I make wonderful conversation and have a great time. I haven't had a first date not want a second. Proof is in the pudding asshole. So you spend an hour with someone who isn't physically your type, even though you are attracted to me (still confused) you aren't losing or wasting anything. Shallowness at it's finest.
I have the last laugh in this case because clearly he would have fallen in love if we'd met. Sucka.
So I am trying to open myself up to different kinds of men, you know we all have our preferences but if I stuck with that I might be limiting myself and really selling myself short. So I went out on a limb and messaged a guy with one picture (usually it's best to be able to see more than one cause, well... you know.) He seemed interesting and I thought we could have some things in common. Not exactly my style guy but that's really okay, there weren't any glaring physical issues that I was just like NO about.
This is the response I get back:
Look at you, lots of checks in my compatibility column. Well done. Here's the thing, and this is all me. I'm pretty much only interested in plus size chicks. I need to go back and mention that in my bio thingy. From what i can tell, you're not plus size...so it's a bit of an issue. With that, you are very attractive and very much my kind of gal.
My initial reaction was "Bullshit." For more than one reason.
Now maybe this is the time when I should mention that I am not small. By any means. Actually considered "plus size" by most standards. A size 14 in fact. Also I have lost 50 pounds, formerly a size 24 and very proud of the physical changes and accomplishments I've made over the last almost 2 years. I have every intention of continuing the trend and losing another at least 30 pounds if not more. You can guess that for a lot of my life I was told "You have a cute face but I'm not into plus size girls." It still stings.
So I asked this guy to define "plus size" for me. Because if you want someone my former size, well that isn't going to happen but again technically I do fall into that category.
The response:
I'm not as superficial as it prob seems, im not super specific. I just find the rubenesque figure more feminine that the typical smaller chick. Just me, it's the curves and softness i guess. I blame this ideal on my figure drawing classes in school. The bigger women were more interesting.
Well, yeah okay. That isn't exactly specific and what you are describing could definitely be me. Curves...check. Softness...as much as I hate to admit it...check. Not a smaller chick....check. Interesting?....Oh fo sho!
At this point I'm still being polite. As offended as I am for not being fat enough (go figure right?) I'm thinking maybe he's just confused. My best friend did indicate my shoulders appear to be much smaller than in the past and most of my pictures are head shots. Most of my weight loss is shown in my face.
Then he wanted proof of my size. ::eye roll:: At this point I remembered why I sent him the first message. Thinking we could get along on a deeper level. Then I remember his first message which starts with "I'm not as superficial as it probably seems." Actually, yeah. This is probably the most superficial man in his 30s I have ever met. I'm thinking, "If you give a mouse a cookie." If he wants to judge me based on how fat or not fat I am, next my fat isn't going to be in the "right" places. That is where I decided to draw the line.
In his next message he accused me of lying about my size. Saying that other women told him they were "plus size" when in fact they weren't. Who does that? Sorry but you haven't shown me you are interesting or good looking enough for me to claim to weigh more than I do, especially after how hard I have worked to lose weight.
It all fell apart from here. Went completely downhill and I was just like okay. We have reached the point of no return. Clearly this is a fetish (which of course he claimed it wasn't..uhhh o-kay) and you have these notions about who I am that clearly aren't going away. Still giggling that the notions involve me being "too skinny."
I feel as though I should add this to my list of "Cons" of online dating. The man who clearly can't see past the physical or is too stubborn to even open his eyes. They claim they don't want to waste their time. Ummm tell me sir, what better do you have to do with your time? You've spent probably more than an hour messaging me at this point. If we meet you have nothing to lose, I pay for myself so there isn't any obligation. Cha-ching you aren't losing money. I make wonderful conversation and have a great time. I haven't had a first date not want a second. Proof is in the pudding asshole. So you spend an hour with someone who isn't physically your type, even though you are attracted to me (still confused) you aren't losing or wasting anything. Shallowness at it's finest.
I have the last laugh in this case because clearly he would have fallen in love if we'd met. Sucka.
Monday, November 1, 2010
One Man's Trash...Another Man's Treasure???
Is it wrong to feel like this little saying applies to dating? I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone, think about that really annoying co-worker who's husband adores her or crazy family member who has been paired up since the dawn of time. How many times have you or someone you know said "I just don't get it, why am I still single?" I have to hope it is because my dude on a white horse....or bass guitar has not come along and when he does I will not have to wonder anymore.
I take this matter into my own hands and don't wait for him to show up at my door. I know if I did that I would be waiting around forever and I really feel like if I don't meet as many men as possible, I may not appreciate him when he does come along. I'm a firm believer in knowing what I want. The only way that will happen is by personal experience.
With that being said, I....the Semi-Reformed Bad Girl....am an online dater. Ahhh, now you can see why I would liken my search to the whole "one man's trash...." The Internet seems to be the place where men go once they have split up and all friends are connected to the ex which in turn means they can't find another chick within the circle.
Here is my list of pros and cons of online dating. I do not pay for online dating sites and do not do the whole long distance thing. So my experience comes from craigslist.org...SCARY I know and plentyoffish.com (I'm stealing the whole bullet list idea from a friends blog...it looked so clean!)
Pros:
I think the biggest downside that I have found is the man who isn't being honest with himself. He has baggage that he hasn't dealt with, he is looking for a woman to replace what he had and he just isn't really ready for a relationship. Online dating gives people an easy rebound. If it weren't for online dating people would have to focus more on themselves instead of the task of finding someone new.
My tips for online dating? Fun. A fun profile with little of what you don't like and more of what you do. Something that makes you stand out..a silly picture. I find it easier to know how interested a man is by the first message. If he has read my profile and looked at the captions of my pictures, he is more likely to comment, then in turn showing me that he took the time to actually read what I had to say. Have fun. It is hard to not get your hopes up but if you look at it with an open mind and a way to experience new things and people...it can be a lot of fun. Just be you. There is no sense in making up anything. It makes it more enjoyable when you just do you.
I would be interested in others thoughts on online dating. Have you done it? Had any success? I only know of one couple who met online that are together and appear to be life partners. While my stories are sometimes good, I wonder if I will meet my mate via the Internet. I need a time machine damn it!
I take this matter into my own hands and don't wait for him to show up at my door. I know if I did that I would be waiting around forever and I really feel like if I don't meet as many men as possible, I may not appreciate him when he does come along. I'm a firm believer in knowing what I want. The only way that will happen is by personal experience.
With that being said, I....the Semi-Reformed Bad Girl....am an online dater. Ahhh, now you can see why I would liken my search to the whole "one man's trash...." The Internet seems to be the place where men go once they have split up and all friends are connected to the ex which in turn means they can't find another chick within the circle.
Here is my list of pros and cons of online dating. I do not pay for online dating sites and do not do the whole long distance thing. So my experience comes from craigslist.org...SCARY I know and plentyoffish.com (I'm stealing the whole bullet list idea from a friends blog...it looked so clean!)
Pros:
- A large pool of men in a concentrated area
- The opportunity to be completely honest about who you are and know that some people are in your same situation
- Pictures...online datings best friend
- POF has specific questions that people answer when making a profile
- Finding someone you have already had a romp in the sheets with a few years ago
- A quick way to determine if a man has what you are looking for
- Having the upper hand, it's not like you have to make up an excuse on why you don't want to talk to them if they sent you a message that was less than stellar
- Meeting someone in person and they are even better looking/more awesome than on their profile
- Great if you are a busy person
- A large pool of women, maybe it's just me but it seems like men are always interested in the next new shiny toy. This very well could be a product of men not knowing what they want or not being prepared for what they think they want
- Dishonesty. There seems to be a disconnect where people maybe kind of make up who they are or what they have to offer since technically they don't know the person they are speaking to
- Someone who is more interesting online...This has been a rare for me but it happens
- The player...after years of doing this...I can smell him from a mile away.
- Finding someone you had a romp in the sheets with a few years ago
- The stigma attached to "online dating" even though "everyone is doing it"
I think the biggest downside that I have found is the man who isn't being honest with himself. He has baggage that he hasn't dealt with, he is looking for a woman to replace what he had and he just isn't really ready for a relationship. Online dating gives people an easy rebound. If it weren't for online dating people would have to focus more on themselves instead of the task of finding someone new.
My tips for online dating? Fun. A fun profile with little of what you don't like and more of what you do. Something that makes you stand out..a silly picture. I find it easier to know how interested a man is by the first message. If he has read my profile and looked at the captions of my pictures, he is more likely to comment, then in turn showing me that he took the time to actually read what I had to say. Have fun. It is hard to not get your hopes up but if you look at it with an open mind and a way to experience new things and people...it can be a lot of fun. Just be you. There is no sense in making up anything. It makes it more enjoyable when you just do you.
I would be interested in others thoughts on online dating. Have you done it? Had any success? I only know of one couple who met online that are together and appear to be life partners. While my stories are sometimes good, I wonder if I will meet my mate via the Internet. I need a time machine damn it!
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