Not much is going on in the dating world. Okay, nothing is going on in the dating world. I deleted one online dating website profiles and put one on hold. The word escapes me. Not delete but something else. It makes it look deleted but I un-held it and still no success.
I kind of think I should message this guy who messaged me prior to my hold since he wasn't appealing then but seems to be now for some reason. I can't figure it out. He's not hot but we have a lot in common and the new pictures he added while I was away are making me think I was stupid for not messaging him before. Plus I have an excuse. Sigh. Maybe I will do that. Even if nothing comes of it, it might be nice to send a message instead of get one.
Speaking of getting some. My ex is talking about coming to visit. I need sex and he's a good source. I just worry about what may happen in the time when sex is not occurring. He's a little.....unpredictable. Which is totally ironic now that I think about it because the title of the craigslist ad he responded to of mine was "I'm so Unpredictable, I'm Predicable." I now see why he responded.
While we are on the subject of craigslist ads, he said he posted one for a suicide partner. WTF? How are you going to tell me that? You are that co-dependent that you need a partner to commit suicide? I roll my eyes. Not because I'm insensitive but because I don't know where to go with this information. Sometimes it seems like he threatens suicide for fun but then makes it clear he won't do it. Welllll sounds like you need some help and while I'd love to have sex, that isn't going to solve the problem. I take mental illness very seriously and know he needs help but can't seem to figure out how to facilitate that, considering we live 500 miles away and he's my EX not my current. During the time we spent together I did everything in my power to try to get him help. Maybe I'll call his mom, she clearly knows when things are going on but sometimes I feel like she needs a good nudge from the SRBG. I wish I had her email address instead, I feel bad calling and ratting out my ex when he tells me things in confidence. At one point does it become not in confidence anymore?
You see my dilemma.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Drinking Not Dating
This post has nothing to do with dating at all and everything to do with drinking. I drink almost better than I date and boy do I date well, or so it's been decided. I'm a professional at both.
Speaking of professional. Currently my big girl job is in the travel industry so I hear a lot of crazy travel stories and the most recent that I heard yesterday was about the dude who was so drunk on a plane that he pissed on an 11 year old girl.
My first thought, perv. Who has ever been drunk enough to piss not in a place that resembles a bathroom or parking lot and on a little girl? No. Sorry. I have a really hard time believe this fucking story. Dude is a total perv. I've been really drunk and the worst place I pissed, parking lot with fat ass facing main road in town where cops, drunks, drug addicts and homeless could see. It was a quick drop of the pants (which I'm sure were tight) and squat in said tight pants then all in one swift move I stood up, pulling up my pants to hop in the car and button/zip. Haven't we all done that? Okay. How many of you have pissed on an 11 year old in a plane. Thought so.
Well the story was brought up again today at work, of course we have nothing else to talk about. Fuck world peace and crumbling societies. Ha. The new news today was that he was 18 and why did they let him on the plane? Where did he get his alcohol from? To answer the latter question...where do most 18 year olds get their alcohol from? This really shouldn't even be a question. As to the second question I have a very simple answer. While he may be a perv, he's a professional.
It reminded me of a few months ago for a friends birthday we were so drunk. We both have very small bladders and couldn't make it to the bar to pee. Her boyfriend at the time was driving, sober but still letting us call the shots. On the right hand side came the ER to the local hospital downtown. It's a well respected place apparently. He drives up to the little men in the ticket place who tell us the large men at the front door need to approve our using of the bathroom. I'm not exactly one who likes needing approval. Even in my drunken state (I swear I'm smarter when I shit faced) I realized the men in the little booth and the men at the front didn't speak. Plus my friend is wearing a short sequin skirt. So we walk in. Hello sirs. Then we walk to the front desk, I politely ask where their restroom is and proceed to do what we came to do, no approval needed. As we walk out, "Have a nice evening."
That is how you are let on a plane drunk as fuck. Again it's called professional. Swagger. When I'm drunk, I've got it.
Speaking of professional. Currently my big girl job is in the travel industry so I hear a lot of crazy travel stories and the most recent that I heard yesterday was about the dude who was so drunk on a plane that he pissed on an 11 year old girl.
My first thought, perv. Who has ever been drunk enough to piss not in a place that resembles a bathroom or parking lot and on a little girl? No. Sorry. I have a really hard time believe this fucking story. Dude is a total perv. I've been really drunk and the worst place I pissed, parking lot with fat ass facing main road in town where cops, drunks, drug addicts and homeless could see. It was a quick drop of the pants (which I'm sure were tight) and squat in said tight pants then all in one swift move I stood up, pulling up my pants to hop in the car and button/zip. Haven't we all done that? Okay. How many of you have pissed on an 11 year old in a plane. Thought so.
Well the story was brought up again today at work, of course we have nothing else to talk about. Fuck world peace and crumbling societies. Ha. The new news today was that he was 18 and why did they let him on the plane? Where did he get his alcohol from? To answer the latter question...where do most 18 year olds get their alcohol from? This really shouldn't even be a question. As to the second question I have a very simple answer. While he may be a perv, he's a professional.
It reminded me of a few months ago for a friends birthday we were so drunk. We both have very small bladders and couldn't make it to the bar to pee. Her boyfriend at the time was driving, sober but still letting us call the shots. On the right hand side came the ER to the local hospital downtown. It's a well respected place apparently. He drives up to the little men in the ticket place who tell us the large men at the front door need to approve our using of the bathroom. I'm not exactly one who likes needing approval. Even in my drunken state (I swear I'm smarter when I shit faced) I realized the men in the little booth and the men at the front didn't speak. Plus my friend is wearing a short sequin skirt. So we walk in. Hello sirs. Then we walk to the front desk, I politely ask where their restroom is and proceed to do what we came to do, no approval needed. As we walk out, "Have a nice evening."
That is how you are let on a plane drunk as fuck. Again it's called professional. Swagger. When I'm drunk, I've got it.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Define Date....
Date means he pays? Yeah that's what most people thing. Not I since I seriously LOATHE the term date. Too much pressure and it never lives up to what a date implies. I never want to go on a "date" again. Can we please just hang out with no pressure? I am so tired of pressure. Every single time a man calls it a date, we get along just fine but nothing great.
Which brings me to Wednesday. The sushi was great. Can't wait to have some again. The company was nice enough. If you read my last post it was pretty obvious I wasn't exactly feeling the entire situation. The week before (when we were originally supposed to meet) I had a little bump in the road that occurred and have kind of been set back physically. Which is really shitty.
He talked a lot about his IBS. Yes. Along with the colonoscopy that went with diagnosing it. Wish I was joking. It proved to me why I don't date men in their 30s who are what I call the "closer to 40 crowd." They are so into themselves and will say just about anything even if it really isn't appropriate dinner conversation. I would normally think the talk was to deter me from any sort of attraction BUT he mentioned IBS in his profile. Seriously? I thought once it was out we could get over the "I sometimes have to run to the bathroom after eating" conversation. Apparently I was wrong. My mom was like "doesn't everyone know not to talk about health problems on a date?" Mom, no. These mother fuckers are crazy.
Overall he seemed like a nice enough guy. Just a little self absorbed. Which I kind of expected. He really didn't give a shit about me. At all. Which might have been fine. We could have been friends but I move on from that fact pretty quickly when our post-date emails are boring and no questions are directed at me at all. Love it when a man says he is attracted to independent women but yet his life is so set in stone no actual independent woman could ever fit in.
So I move on. Hoping on Sunday morning to run into the man from Trader Joes. Yeah. It's a sickness. Not sure if I mentioned I know his first name. Sigh. My sickness gets slapped in the face when he isn't there AND I see a dude who I went out with a couple times with his who I can only assume is his girlfriend. He and I weren't a match either but I looked like shit...all hungover and I REALLY didn't want to have to say hello. I made a point of facing the other direction and as I was walking out I saw him tattoo verify it was me with a glance down at my foot. I bet we both had the same thought....dodged that bullet.
I was happy to see the chick he was with looked like the type I imagine him with. Almost like they could be related. One of THOSE couples. However I didn't see her as the type to indulge in his lingerie fetish and she wasn't wearing yoga pants like he likes. haha. Men.
Which brings me to Wednesday. The sushi was great. Can't wait to have some again. The company was nice enough. If you read my last post it was pretty obvious I wasn't exactly feeling the entire situation. The week before (when we were originally supposed to meet) I had a little bump in the road that occurred and have kind of been set back physically. Which is really shitty.
He talked a lot about his IBS. Yes. Along with the colonoscopy that went with diagnosing it. Wish I was joking. It proved to me why I don't date men in their 30s who are what I call the "closer to 40 crowd." They are so into themselves and will say just about anything even if it really isn't appropriate dinner conversation. I would normally think the talk was to deter me from any sort of attraction BUT he mentioned IBS in his profile. Seriously? I thought once it was out we could get over the "I sometimes have to run to the bathroom after eating" conversation. Apparently I was wrong. My mom was like "doesn't everyone know not to talk about health problems on a date?" Mom, no. These mother fuckers are crazy.
Overall he seemed like a nice enough guy. Just a little self absorbed. Which I kind of expected. He really didn't give a shit about me. At all. Which might have been fine. We could have been friends but I move on from that fact pretty quickly when our post-date emails are boring and no questions are directed at me at all. Love it when a man says he is attracted to independent women but yet his life is so set in stone no actual independent woman could ever fit in.
So I move on. Hoping on Sunday morning to run into the man from Trader Joes. Yeah. It's a sickness. Not sure if I mentioned I know his first name. Sigh. My sickness gets slapped in the face when he isn't there AND I see a dude who I went out with a couple times with his who I can only assume is his girlfriend. He and I weren't a match either but I looked like shit...all hungover and I REALLY didn't want to have to say hello. I made a point of facing the other direction and as I was walking out I saw him tattoo verify it was me with a glance down at my foot. I bet we both had the same thought....dodged that bullet.
I was happy to see the chick he was with looked like the type I imagine him with. Almost like they could be related. One of THOSE couples. However I didn't see her as the type to indulge in his lingerie fetish and she wasn't wearing yoga pants like he likes. haha. Men.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Fuck Friend
So my upcoming "date" tonight makes me think that it would just be easier to find someone to have sex with and be a spinster fo lyfe. I'm so over tonight and it hasn't even started. Yeah, I've got a bad attitude, what's it to you? I just don't like the idea of meeting someone for one of my favorite meals wearing a new outfit that I got for the occasion and then having to control the conversation because we have no connection. I have no hope for tonight. It's been a while since I've been out and some non-dating related life setbacks have put me in a shitty mood.
He seems nice enough. We will probably get along just fine. I'm just not feeling like myself.
A friend and I were talking about how we should start taking applications for men to have sex with. The list of qualifications you MUST have to just have sex with me is so much longer in the looks department than those who I will date. Dating I'm a little more open. If I'm only going to see you with your clothes off...best if you are the hottest man alive.
Another friend suggested I blog these requirements. She has good ideas.
-At least 6 feet tall
-A well proportioned dick. The length and girth have to work together. No pencil dicks or choads.
-Skinny or fit body MAYBE I will extend a special invitation to those who are not as fit if they offer something else.
-Attractive face
-Has to be open sexually but not obsessed with anal or threesomes
-Preferably dark hair
-Has to make me feel like the sexiest woman alive
-Must be willing to cuddle properly afterwards
Special consideration given to those with:
-Access to great wines or someone who makes amazing cocktails
-Tattoos
-Amazing oral skills
-If you have a cute dog that I can borrow (for NON sexual purposes of course)
-You are awesome and might actually want a relationship
A girl can dream.
He seems nice enough. We will probably get along just fine. I'm just not feeling like myself.
A friend and I were talking about how we should start taking applications for men to have sex with. The list of qualifications you MUST have to just have sex with me is so much longer in the looks department than those who I will date. Dating I'm a little more open. If I'm only going to see you with your clothes off...best if you are the hottest man alive.
Another friend suggested I blog these requirements. She has good ideas.
-At least 6 feet tall
-A well proportioned dick. The length and girth have to work together. No pencil dicks or choads.
-Skinny or fit body MAYBE I will extend a special invitation to those who are not as fit if they offer something else.
-Attractive face
-Has to be open sexually but not obsessed with anal or threesomes
-Preferably dark hair
-Has to make me feel like the sexiest woman alive
-Must be willing to cuddle properly afterwards
Special consideration given to those with:
-Access to great wines or someone who makes amazing cocktails
-Tattoos
-Amazing oral skills
-If you have a cute dog that I can borrow (for NON sexual purposes of course)
-You are awesome and might actually want a relationship
A girl can dream.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Sushi Date
Wednesday there is a sushi date planned with a guy from OKCupid. I hate calling it a date. I hate that I kind of have a crush on him and I hate that I am already doubting myself. I hate that I have been looking for the perfect outfit when in reality nothing will be "perfect."
I feel like I have put my foot in my mouth recently with him. Given too much information. I should close up a little most likely. Let him figure things out on his own. I don't think I am fit to be in a relationship. Probably best to give up. haha. Be alone with the dogs forever and be a spinster. Lovely.
I'll report on how Wednesday goes.
I feel like I have put my foot in my mouth recently with him. Given too much information. I should close up a little most likely. Let him figure things out on his own. I don't think I am fit to be in a relationship. Probably best to give up. haha. Be alone with the dogs forever and be a spinster. Lovely.
I'll report on how Wednesday goes.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Maybe....
This week I will meet a nice man and have dinner.
I will get up the balls to ask out the dude I have a crush on.
On Saturday I will flirt like there's no tomorrow with strangers I will never see again.
Putting on a semi-slutty outfit seems like a good idea because who really fucking cares what other people thing. I'm not ACTUALLY a slut.
Getting laid wouldn't be the end of the world.
He is on his way.
I will get up the balls to ask out the dude I have a crush on.
On Saturday I will flirt like there's no tomorrow with strangers I will never see again.
Putting on a semi-slutty outfit seems like a good idea because who really fucking cares what other people thing. I'm not ACTUALLY a slut.
Getting laid wouldn't be the end of the world.
He is on his way.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I'm Mad At YOU!
Have you ever been really mad at someone you don't even know. I know this is beyond pathetic. So far beyond that I can't even bring myself to face my own reflection in the mirror.
I'm obsessed with a man I don't know. Period. We see each other at least once a week and today he has taken to completely ignoring me. It makes me mad. Really pissed off that I feel like I was attempting to overcome my chronic bitchface to smile at him, to look him in the eyes and nothing. He seriously looked like he hates me.
I know I AM NOT CRAZY. There is something there and I'm getting really annoyed. If he just didn't notice me and the fact that we see each other every week then he wouldn't avoid me. I don't look like a creep. Haha.
Fuck this entire blog has turned into the Semi-Reformed Bad Girl who has major issues. I still feel like I will want to remember this.
I go from being pissed at him to being pissed at myself for being pissed at him. I am almost to the point where I need straight up rejection to get me out of this whole thing.
He is beautiful....even when he's decided to take on my bitchface.
I'm obsessed with a man I don't know. Period. We see each other at least once a week and today he has taken to completely ignoring me. It makes me mad. Really pissed off that I feel like I was attempting to overcome my chronic bitchface to smile at him, to look him in the eyes and nothing. He seriously looked like he hates me.
I know I AM NOT CRAZY. There is something there and I'm getting really annoyed. If he just didn't notice me and the fact that we see each other every week then he wouldn't avoid me. I don't look like a creep. Haha.
Fuck this entire blog has turned into the Semi-Reformed Bad Girl who has major issues. I still feel like I will want to remember this.
I go from being pissed at him to being pissed at myself for being pissed at him. I am almost to the point where I need straight up rejection to get me out of this whole thing.
He is beautiful....even when he's decided to take on my bitchface.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Change
Sooooo ready for things to change. I am really tired of seeing the same busted ass people on these lame dating sites. I so need to focus on myself. I feel like physically I am falling apart. How is this possible? In the past things were so together.
I just keep thinking of the things I need to do for myself. I also know the more I work on me the more likely "he" is to come along. I am not in any shape to be the proper girlfriend right now.
Which is why I want to be one so badly. I suspect.
I just keep thinking of the things I need to do for myself. I also know the more I work on me the more likely "he" is to come along. I am not in any shape to be the proper girlfriend right now.
Which is why I want to be one so badly. I suspect.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Untitled v1.0
My sister is a mom. I am obviously not. She posted on Facebook that they are having a play date.
All I could think was "I'd like a play date right about now." And I definitely mean with a grown man.
Thinking of going to the dog park to find a play date tonight.
All I could think was "I'd like a play date right about now." And I definitely mean with a grown man.
Thinking of going to the dog park to find a play date tonight.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Whoa.
I kind of called the outcome of my brief "second chance" with the teacher. Dude has not changed. Not only has he not changed he totally did the EXACT same thing he did the last time.
Obviously we had plans on Friday night. After Thursday he wanted to get together and I said no. I typed that huge post and not long after he sent me a text that said "no go tonight. I have to be up early in the morning for graduation." As I've mentioned. He's a teacher (which only makes the idea of having kids in general even scarier if he is going to be the one molding their minds. Yikes!) sooooo before the school year even ended LAST year BEFORE we even met you knew when graduation THIS year was going to be.
I knew immediately it was a kiss off. I had a mix of emotions. I was hurt and rightfully so. I didn't message him asking for a second chance, he messaged me. Relief because well obviously nothing changed and it would have been even harder to have met up with him and then had it go oh so wrong. He called it a second chance, he said he "threw away something good." Then less than 24 hours later. This.
I was fairly nice in my response: "I honestly have no clue why you would contact me if you have no desire to make any effort. I thought you would have thought through what you were doing. You must really have no respect for me or how I feel. You can't honestly think I believe you didn't know about graduation before now?"
He NEVER responded.
What I wanted to say was: "You MIGHT be the biggest piece of shit I've ever met. Almost more of a dick than the dude who told me he had AIDS, yes AIDS after we had sex. I would highly recommend some serious medication to deal with whatever issues you have."
Really when I think about it while I care, I am SO happy we will never have any contact with each other ever again. There is no way he is stupid enough to try to message me again. If he is, I'm not stupid enough to respond.
I am pretty amazed that someone who can seem so normal on the outside is so fucked up on the inside. It kind of scares me and makes me really hope the right guy comes along soon because I'm not sure I can take much more of these emotionally unstable men.
This was a good experience. After 8 months of being single after the whole thing with him I still questioned what I'd done to cause this. I no longer will ever take any fault in why he treated me the way he did. There is nothing wrong with me at all. Obviously we aren't right for one another but it really is deeper than that. When he said "I don't see a future with you," that statement implies there is something wrong with ME. It takes the blame off of him completely and in reality the reason why there is no future is because of him, his instability and lack of concern for anyone other than himself. I am even stronger than I was a week ago because I will NEVER question my role in our break up since I happened to be an innocent bystander. Like a child witness/victim in a drive by shooting.
I am all for taking responsibility for your own actions but I fucking refuse to take responsibility for his or any other man who doesn't have the ability to truly love himself and others.
This was the closure I needed to move on. I will never wonder what might have been.
Plus I can't lie. I LOVE the fact that he clearly felt there was enough to attempt for a second chance. Boy do I hope for the rest of his life he thinks of me as the one that got away. Because let's be real. I am.
Obviously we had plans on Friday night. After Thursday he wanted to get together and I said no. I typed that huge post and not long after he sent me a text that said "no go tonight. I have to be up early in the morning for graduation." As I've mentioned. He's a teacher (which only makes the idea of having kids in general even scarier if he is going to be the one molding their minds. Yikes!) sooooo before the school year even ended LAST year BEFORE we even met you knew when graduation THIS year was going to be.
I knew immediately it was a kiss off. I had a mix of emotions. I was hurt and rightfully so. I didn't message him asking for a second chance, he messaged me. Relief because well obviously nothing changed and it would have been even harder to have met up with him and then had it go oh so wrong. He called it a second chance, he said he "threw away something good." Then less than 24 hours later. This.
I was fairly nice in my response: "I honestly have no clue why you would contact me if you have no desire to make any effort. I thought you would have thought through what you were doing. You must really have no respect for me or how I feel. You can't honestly think I believe you didn't know about graduation before now?"
He NEVER responded.
What I wanted to say was: "You MIGHT be the biggest piece of shit I've ever met. Almost more of a dick than the dude who told me he had AIDS, yes AIDS after we had sex. I would highly recommend some serious medication to deal with whatever issues you have."
Really when I think about it while I care, I am SO happy we will never have any contact with each other ever again. There is no way he is stupid enough to try to message me again. If he is, I'm not stupid enough to respond.
I am pretty amazed that someone who can seem so normal on the outside is so fucked up on the inside. It kind of scares me and makes me really hope the right guy comes along soon because I'm not sure I can take much more of these emotionally unstable men.
This was a good experience. After 8 months of being single after the whole thing with him I still questioned what I'd done to cause this. I no longer will ever take any fault in why he treated me the way he did. There is nothing wrong with me at all. Obviously we aren't right for one another but it really is deeper than that. When he said "I don't see a future with you," that statement implies there is something wrong with ME. It takes the blame off of him completely and in reality the reason why there is no future is because of him, his instability and lack of concern for anyone other than himself. I am even stronger than I was a week ago because I will NEVER question my role in our break up since I happened to be an innocent bystander. Like a child witness/victim in a drive by shooting.
I am all for taking responsibility for your own actions but I fucking refuse to take responsibility for his or any other man who doesn't have the ability to truly love himself and others.
This was the closure I needed to move on. I will never wonder what might have been.
Plus I can't lie. I LOVE the fact that he clearly felt there was enough to attempt for a second chance. Boy do I hope for the rest of his life he thinks of me as the one that got away. Because let's be real. I am.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Teacher
So apparently I thought I'd made reference to the guy who decided to randomly contact me yesterday but I guess not! I feel good that I have been looking towards the future and not so much the past. I noticed I talked about "the ex" who is my long term relationship. The philosopher. The one who I have been in contact with since we broke up. We are friends. This is a different guy.
He is the teacher.
My other blog documents our quick rise to relationship status and even quicker fall to him breaking up with me.
I'll give a quick (or not so) refresher for those who don't know me in real life. We met, had a great time. Our first date was great. Our second was the next day. The third the day after that. After the third in I was calling my friends on the verge of crying because I couldn't understand why he hadn't kissed me. Why he wouldn't touch me. Why he moved away from me each time I got anywhere near him. Why did he give me a half hug when I left his place that night. Is he gay?? That night he texted me making sure I got home okay and saying that he was "traditional" or something like that. Which explained it for me. Then the next night he asked if he could stay over. This still makes me laugh. He is THE best cuddler I have ever met in my entire life. There literally were times after I got dumped when I almost contacted him to ask him to come over just to cuddle.
I was working a lot, spending a lot of time with him and getting really lost in a great new thing that we had going. A few weeks in I had a weekend off (which at the time was rare) and we decided to take a mini vacay to the beach. The ride down was great. I could tell the woman at the front desk at the hotel thought we were too cute. There were SO many things about that trip that were great on day one. The big one came sitting on a bar stool in a little beach bar when he asked me to be his lady. It seriously was everything you think of when you picture the perfect beginning of an amazing love story.
I didn't NEED him, I WANTED him. We got along great. I tend to be easy to argue with, there was none of that. I was so happy. We were so normal. (Which is rare for me.) I trusted him. I rarely second guessed what we had. I have HUGE anxiety issues and relationships bring this out in me even more. We were so seriously great together.
Then it happened. The night we got back from the beach, he stayed with me. The night after he didn't and then the next night he did. Same as usual, he brought his guitar, his journals and borrowed my CDs. He kissed me when he left for work and told me we would see each other later. The night before I was feeling a little strange. He was kind of curt with me and I couldn't figure out why.
After he left I read through some of his journal entries. There were a few dated not long before we met where his feelings seemed pretty deep for at least two other chicks. None about me. I started to question for almost the first time. I felt as though I was justified and really thought he left them out so that I would read them. He should have put them in his guitar case. I wouldn't have read them then. They were on MY coffee table. I think I even heard one say "Read me!"
So I texted him. Saying something to the effect of "I get the impression you want to be in a relationship but not with me specifically." He called and said yes and that assumption was right. My chest started to feel kind of tight. When I asked why he said it was because he didn't see a future with me. Tighter. I went home early that day from work. There were times I felt like I couldn't breathe. Spent the day in bed not eating anything. That night he came into my apartment, picked up his stuff and I didn't even know he'd been there. I tried to call to see when he was coming over and he didn't answer. Then I went out to my living room to see his stuff replaced by mine. I called again. He answered. I questioned why he didn't even bother to say goodbye. He said he thought it was how I wanted it. To be honest it kind of was but only because I wanted to make it harder for him to have to say good bye. My little "plan" backfired. I was really upset probably asked some more questions and then he said "I gotta go," and hung up.
I spent another day in bed, not eating. Weeks after that looking and feeling like a zombie. The way my family looked at me is something I never want to experience again. I don't even think I could describe it. I texted him a few times telling him I'd like to try to work it out. No response.
I don't know how long it took. I cried a lot. Randomly. I'd think I was getting better and then all of the sudden I couldn't breathe again. It was hard. In our relationship I felt the best I'd ever felt as part of a couple and then the mountain that I was standing on with my partner was pulled out from under me by the same person I was standing on top with. Then I was the lowest I had ever been after a relationship. I took him out of my phone. Checking his FB every so often to see the wall posts. (Which I was able to do for 8 months until this morning...strange.)
Now he says he wants a second chance.
A friend today said "If he wants one then he has to earn it." Damn straight. I'm just not sure he does actually want it and I don't know if I can find out one way or another. I am putting myself at risk.
We are supposed to get drinks tonight. I think that was his attempt at casual hanging out which is what I kind of indicated I wanted to begin with. I hope he realizes that he will have some questions to answer. I just need to hear him explain things. I don't even know if I know the right questions to ask. I just want to know why, what changed and just try to understand. I really need him to give me more than just "I feel like I threw away something good." Why. I'm not any different than I was. I'm the same person. If you didn't see a future with me then, what changed with you? That is the only way anything will be different. I made it clear it would be really unfair to do it to me again. He then gave me a "take it or leave it response" which I take major issue with. Dude, you fucked up. Not me. I am willing to see what happens but you aren't going to act like in some way I have to take what you are saying and just straight up trust you.
There are 3 ways this could go:
-We won't end up even meeting. He won't send me a message and it dissolves with everything that happened yesterday. I go back to trying to forget him, which now would be even harder.
-We get together and he just acts like an ass. Even if he doesn't act like an ass if he just doesn't give me the answers I need to move forward with where we would go next with the whole thing.
-Things easily fall back into what we had. He is as easy to be around as he used to be. He says all the right things and it's like very little happened.
I am not delusional and I definitely don't think the third will happen but part of me wants to stay open to it.
I'm seriously so nervous I could puke. Thankfully I know what I am wearing if it actually happens.
He is the teacher.
My other blog documents our quick rise to relationship status and even quicker fall to him breaking up with me.
I'll give a quick (or not so) refresher for those who don't know me in real life. We met, had a great time. Our first date was great. Our second was the next day. The third the day after that. After the third in I was calling my friends on the verge of crying because I couldn't understand why he hadn't kissed me. Why he wouldn't touch me. Why he moved away from me each time I got anywhere near him. Why did he give me a half hug when I left his place that night. Is he gay?? That night he texted me making sure I got home okay and saying that he was "traditional" or something like that. Which explained it for me. Then the next night he asked if he could stay over. This still makes me laugh. He is THE best cuddler I have ever met in my entire life. There literally were times after I got dumped when I almost contacted him to ask him to come over just to cuddle.
I was working a lot, spending a lot of time with him and getting really lost in a great new thing that we had going. A few weeks in I had a weekend off (which at the time was rare) and we decided to take a mini vacay to the beach. The ride down was great. I could tell the woman at the front desk at the hotel thought we were too cute. There were SO many things about that trip that were great on day one. The big one came sitting on a bar stool in a little beach bar when he asked me to be his lady. It seriously was everything you think of when you picture the perfect beginning of an amazing love story.
I didn't NEED him, I WANTED him. We got along great. I tend to be easy to argue with, there was none of that. I was so happy. We were so normal. (Which is rare for me.) I trusted him. I rarely second guessed what we had. I have HUGE anxiety issues and relationships bring this out in me even more. We were so seriously great together.
Then it happened. The night we got back from the beach, he stayed with me. The night after he didn't and then the next night he did. Same as usual, he brought his guitar, his journals and borrowed my CDs. He kissed me when he left for work and told me we would see each other later. The night before I was feeling a little strange. He was kind of curt with me and I couldn't figure out why.
After he left I read through some of his journal entries. There were a few dated not long before we met where his feelings seemed pretty deep for at least two other chicks. None about me. I started to question for almost the first time. I felt as though I was justified and really thought he left them out so that I would read them. He should have put them in his guitar case. I wouldn't have read them then. They were on MY coffee table. I think I even heard one say "Read me!"
So I texted him. Saying something to the effect of "I get the impression you want to be in a relationship but not with me specifically." He called and said yes and that assumption was right. My chest started to feel kind of tight. When I asked why he said it was because he didn't see a future with me. Tighter. I went home early that day from work. There were times I felt like I couldn't breathe. Spent the day in bed not eating anything. That night he came into my apartment, picked up his stuff and I didn't even know he'd been there. I tried to call to see when he was coming over and he didn't answer. Then I went out to my living room to see his stuff replaced by mine. I called again. He answered. I questioned why he didn't even bother to say goodbye. He said he thought it was how I wanted it. To be honest it kind of was but only because I wanted to make it harder for him to have to say good bye. My little "plan" backfired. I was really upset probably asked some more questions and then he said "I gotta go," and hung up.
I spent another day in bed, not eating. Weeks after that looking and feeling like a zombie. The way my family looked at me is something I never want to experience again. I don't even think I could describe it. I texted him a few times telling him I'd like to try to work it out. No response.
I don't know how long it took. I cried a lot. Randomly. I'd think I was getting better and then all of the sudden I couldn't breathe again. It was hard. In our relationship I felt the best I'd ever felt as part of a couple and then the mountain that I was standing on with my partner was pulled out from under me by the same person I was standing on top with. Then I was the lowest I had ever been after a relationship. I took him out of my phone. Checking his FB every so often to see the wall posts. (Which I was able to do for 8 months until this morning...strange.)
Now he says he wants a second chance.
A friend today said "If he wants one then he has to earn it." Damn straight. I'm just not sure he does actually want it and I don't know if I can find out one way or another. I am putting myself at risk.
We are supposed to get drinks tonight. I think that was his attempt at casual hanging out which is what I kind of indicated I wanted to begin with. I hope he realizes that he will have some questions to answer. I just need to hear him explain things. I don't even know if I know the right questions to ask. I just want to know why, what changed and just try to understand. I really need him to give me more than just "I feel like I threw away something good." Why. I'm not any different than I was. I'm the same person. If you didn't see a future with me then, what changed with you? That is the only way anything will be different. I made it clear it would be really unfair to do it to me again. He then gave me a "take it or leave it response" which I take major issue with. Dude, you fucked up. Not me. I am willing to see what happens but you aren't going to act like in some way I have to take what you are saying and just straight up trust you.
There are 3 ways this could go:
-We won't end up even meeting. He won't send me a message and it dissolves with everything that happened yesterday. I go back to trying to forget him, which now would be even harder.
-We get together and he just acts like an ass. Even if he doesn't act like an ass if he just doesn't give me the answers I need to move forward with where we would go next with the whole thing.
-Things easily fall back into what we had. He is as easy to be around as he used to be. He says all the right things and it's like very little happened.
I am not delusional and I definitely don't think the third will happen but part of me wants to stay open to it.
I'm seriously so nervous I could puke. Thankfully I know what I am wearing if it actually happens.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Bright Red
I'm so glad I painted my nails BRIGHT red last night. MAC Shirelle to be exact. It is seriously the most amazing color ever.
Why am I glad? Because I checked my email this morning and saw that I'd recieved a message on Plenty of Fish from the guy who basically was the reason why this blog was started. So my family and friends wouldn't be exposed to the rollercoaster that is dating.
Shirelle is helping me with the confidence to try to handle this with grace and class. Which is hard.
I'm sure I've eluded to the fact that when he suddenly changed his mind I spent two days in bed. I told everyone, "He will come back. He will message me in the future." Every single person brushed it off. My mom might as well have patted me on the top of the head and said "Okay honey." I'm sure they all thought I was just holding out hope that he would change his mind.
Why would I hope that? He seriously hurt me probably worse than anyone ever has. To say everything with us was perfect is close to the case. What we had was a really, really good thing going. I realize all relationships have issues. We moved too fast. He was separated and not even divorced yet. Not like I've even ever wanted to be with anyone who has been married. I've said it before and I will say it again. I would love to find someone who hasn't done the whole thing before. I am so tired of being in relationships where the past haunts my fucking future.
His message was pretty casual. He accused me of peeping his profile (after he looked at mine, see a previous entry) and basically asked what I was doing. I called my mom and of course she was surprised but made a point of saying "You said this would happen." Yes, yes I did. I know what I have to offer.
I knew I wouldn't be able to not respond. I wanted to know what his intentions were. I figured he wouldn't have an answer. I figured he was just bored and who knows. I didn't think there was any intention at all. I just thought he was not thinking. I thought wrong. I got the response that I was expecting the least when I asked why he messaged me.
He wants a second chance.
My response to that was really clear. I feel like I said everything I needed to say while being extremely nice, kind and making it clear that I have to think of myself and try to protect me. I feel like one of the mistakes I made the first time was not being as open as I generally am. I was open to what could happen but my communication skills were maybe lacking. It's kind of unfair to say that too though. Once I realized maybe something wasn't right I did stand up and say something. That's when it ended.
My fear is I don't know the reason why he "didn't see a future with me" the first time and not that he does now but why is he looking to explore it again. He's indicated he misses parts of me but those are parts that my friends get to experience so a friendship might be the way to go. I always thought we could be great friends. At what point do you stop?
He could change his mind again so quickly. I have a really hard time trusting he knows who he is. I hope the last 8 months have taught him that but I personally think it takes longer. I just don't know what changed, if anything really and I am a little afraid to find out. I'm not sure I have the ability for us to just be friends and then another part of me thinks that is all I can handle from him. I didn't expect him to come out and say he wanted to give it another go. I'm a firm believer in the second chance never working and I'm not sure I can take more hurt right now.
I'm really confused.
Why am I glad? Because I checked my email this morning and saw that I'd recieved a message on Plenty of Fish from the guy who basically was the reason why this blog was started. So my family and friends wouldn't be exposed to the rollercoaster that is dating.
Shirelle is helping me with the confidence to try to handle this with grace and class. Which is hard.
I'm sure I've eluded to the fact that when he suddenly changed his mind I spent two days in bed. I told everyone, "He will come back. He will message me in the future." Every single person brushed it off. My mom might as well have patted me on the top of the head and said "Okay honey." I'm sure they all thought I was just holding out hope that he would change his mind.
Why would I hope that? He seriously hurt me probably worse than anyone ever has. To say everything with us was perfect is close to the case. What we had was a really, really good thing going. I realize all relationships have issues. We moved too fast. He was separated and not even divorced yet. Not like I've even ever wanted to be with anyone who has been married. I've said it before and I will say it again. I would love to find someone who hasn't done the whole thing before. I am so tired of being in relationships where the past haunts my fucking future.
His message was pretty casual. He accused me of peeping his profile (after he looked at mine, see a previous entry) and basically asked what I was doing. I called my mom and of course she was surprised but made a point of saying "You said this would happen." Yes, yes I did. I know what I have to offer.
I knew I wouldn't be able to not respond. I wanted to know what his intentions were. I figured he wouldn't have an answer. I figured he was just bored and who knows. I didn't think there was any intention at all. I just thought he was not thinking. I thought wrong. I got the response that I was expecting the least when I asked why he messaged me.
He wants a second chance.
My response to that was really clear. I feel like I said everything I needed to say while being extremely nice, kind and making it clear that I have to think of myself and try to protect me. I feel like one of the mistakes I made the first time was not being as open as I generally am. I was open to what could happen but my communication skills were maybe lacking. It's kind of unfair to say that too though. Once I realized maybe something wasn't right I did stand up and say something. That's when it ended.
My fear is I don't know the reason why he "didn't see a future with me" the first time and not that he does now but why is he looking to explore it again. He's indicated he misses parts of me but those are parts that my friends get to experience so a friendship might be the way to go. I always thought we could be great friends. At what point do you stop?
He could change his mind again so quickly. I have a really hard time trusting he knows who he is. I hope the last 8 months have taught him that but I personally think it takes longer. I just don't know what changed, if anything really and I am a little afraid to find out. I'm not sure I have the ability for us to just be friends and then another part of me thinks that is all I can handle from him. I didn't expect him to come out and say he wanted to give it another go. I'm a firm believer in the second chance never working and I'm not sure I can take more hurt right now.
I'm really confused.
Friday, May 27, 2011
FML
Bah. I had my chance on neutral turf to put myself out there to the crush. But I didn't because I have a pussy and am a pussy. All I can do is shake my head. I guess I just think it's possible that he would make a move. I have met enough men to know when they want something, they go for it. It seems to be in their nature. It's not in mine.
I feel like I have put out for enough men in my life that MAYBE just MAYBE I could get up the balls to do what so many seem to be able to do. Ask someone out. I wouldn't even know what to say. Why do I even have such the hots for this dude?
Here are some of the things I have thought up most of them silly as hell since I have a hard time taking anything serious and why would I want to get all serious on some stranger. Who asks out strangers anymore? They say you can meet someone anywhere and they also mention the grocery store. I have seriously been online dating for like ever. Which probably speaks volumes. This is just going to go downhill from here.
-"Did you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them." Why not? What is wrong with saying this? Especially when it's clearly a joke, and MUST be a way to break the ice. It's not like I'm some douche with an Ed Hardy tee on. I have wet, home done ombre hair with an army green tee and comfy pants because I SO didn't think I was going to run into him because first off I wasn't going into Trader Joes and secondly because I haven't seen him in a few weeks. I thought maybe he got another job, or died or something. (Okay joking about the dying thing.)
-"Are you single?" This is very to the point. Similar would be "Do I have a shot in hell?" Even if he is single he could always say "No" or "Hey stalker."
-"Would you like to squire me about town with the possibility of feeling me up afterwards?" This not only could be silly but also peak his interest since he has a penis...as long as he's into women.
-"LITTLE RED CORVETTE!!!!" For some reason this is what popped in my head when I saw that it was HIM getting out of the little red Camaro today. It probably isn't the first time someone has made the joke.
-"Care to have a drink sometime?" Also simple and to the point. If he says no, walk away. Quickly. And find another Trader Joes.
-"I'm fairly new in town, you look not crazy and I sure could use some social interaction. Wanna hang out?" All truth with a side of desperation without making it sound datish.
-"Wow so much for that rapture." Yeah I know the rapture is old news HOWEVER this could lead into finding out how he feels about religion. It sure as hell brought that out at work. One woman stated, "I'm a Pagan." Another was all like "You're a Pagan?!?!?!?" with a combination of shock, distrust and judgement in her voice.
-"Sure would be nice to get laid just one last time before the end of the world comes. Sigh." Also truth and an attention getter, again as long as he likes the vag. Which brings me to....
-"Penis vs Pussy. Do you have a preference?" At least I would find out if I have a chance at all. I definitely don't get the impression he is gay but you don't know.
I still feel like our little encounter today had sparks. I swear I am starting to wonder if I am crazy. That is what I think is the worst of it all. I say things to try to justify my crush and they sound so whacked out like I have been taking some serious, hardcore, mind fucking drugs. Then I think to myself "Okay, first you aren't crazy because as the saying goes you aren't crazy if you question your craziness. Also he acts different than most men seeing a lady a few spaces a way in a parking lot. I am really good at reading people." Then I second guess myself.
Fuck this blog has gone into the crazy zone. I seriously have to stop before someone tries to commit me.
Soooo glad I am getting away this weekend. Wearing beach wear and pretending I'm a Hawaiian Tropic model will hopefully make me forget about how clearly crazy I have gotten. This MUST have something to do with the fact I am close to 30 and single. Some days I seriously don't know who I am and I REALLY hate that.
Off to do a google search on not knowing who you are anymore or who you have turned into.
I feel like I have put out for enough men in my life that MAYBE just MAYBE I could get up the balls to do what so many seem to be able to do. Ask someone out. I wouldn't even know what to say. Why do I even have such the hots for this dude?
Here are some of the things I have thought up most of them silly as hell since I have a hard time taking anything serious and why would I want to get all serious on some stranger. Who asks out strangers anymore? They say you can meet someone anywhere and they also mention the grocery store. I have seriously been online dating for like ever. Which probably speaks volumes. This is just going to go downhill from here.
-"Did you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them." Why not? What is wrong with saying this? Especially when it's clearly a joke, and MUST be a way to break the ice. It's not like I'm some douche with an Ed Hardy tee on. I have wet, home done ombre hair with an army green tee and comfy pants because I SO didn't think I was going to run into him because first off I wasn't going into Trader Joes and secondly because I haven't seen him in a few weeks. I thought maybe he got another job, or died or something. (Okay joking about the dying thing.)
-"Are you single?" This is very to the point. Similar would be "Do I have a shot in hell?" Even if he is single he could always say "No" or "Hey stalker."
-"Would you like to squire me about town with the possibility of feeling me up afterwards?" This not only could be silly but also peak his interest since he has a penis...as long as he's into women.
-"LITTLE RED CORVETTE!!!!" For some reason this is what popped in my head when I saw that it was HIM getting out of the little red Camaro today. It probably isn't the first time someone has made the joke.
-"Care to have a drink sometime?" Also simple and to the point. If he says no, walk away. Quickly. And find another Trader Joes.
-"I'm fairly new in town, you look not crazy and I sure could use some social interaction. Wanna hang out?" All truth with a side of desperation without making it sound datish.
-"Wow so much for that rapture." Yeah I know the rapture is old news HOWEVER this could lead into finding out how he feels about religion. It sure as hell brought that out at work. One woman stated, "I'm a Pagan." Another was all like "You're a Pagan?!?!?!?" with a combination of shock, distrust and judgement in her voice.
-"Sure would be nice to get laid just one last time before the end of the world comes. Sigh." Also truth and an attention getter, again as long as he likes the vag. Which brings me to....
-"Penis vs Pussy. Do you have a preference?" At least I would find out if I have a chance at all. I definitely don't get the impression he is gay but you don't know.
I still feel like our little encounter today had sparks. I swear I am starting to wonder if I am crazy. That is what I think is the worst of it all. I say things to try to justify my crush and they sound so whacked out like I have been taking some serious, hardcore, mind fucking drugs. Then I think to myself "Okay, first you aren't crazy because as the saying goes you aren't crazy if you question your craziness. Also he acts different than most men seeing a lady a few spaces a way in a parking lot. I am really good at reading people." Then I second guess myself.
Fuck this blog has gone into the crazy zone. I seriously have to stop before someone tries to commit me.
Soooo glad I am getting away this weekend. Wearing beach wear and pretending I'm a Hawaiian Tropic model will hopefully make me forget about how clearly crazy I have gotten. This MUST have something to do with the fact I am close to 30 and single. Some days I seriously don't know who I am and I REALLY hate that.
Off to do a google search on not knowing who you are anymore or who you have turned into.
Friday, May 20, 2011
I am Alive....
And not dating. WTF?
My fucking horoscope said I was supposed to find my man this month. Well, its the 20th and the world will end tomorrow. Soooooooo.
My fucking horoscope said I was supposed to find my man this month. Well, its the 20th and the world will end tomorrow. Soooooooo.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Just So You Know....
Rarely will I post things like this but I'm feeling like I want to plus you know like NOTHING about me. Doubt this will give you any insight but we can pretend.
Age: 28
Bed size: full size...it's just me. sad face. :( haha.
Chore you hate: can't stand cleaning my bath tub...it's way too huge and I am short so I can't reach it! I sure do love chillin in it with some hot water and smelly good bubbles.
Dogs: I have two. Littles. They are adorbz.
Essential start to your day: coffee fo sho. I hit up Starbucks daily for real coffee. Venti Bold with 4 Sugar in the Raws and Half and Half. mmmmm.
Favorite color: to wear? I love them all. Except yellow and orange. Today my nails are bright MAC Shirelle red....that is an awesome color to wear. Especially with a sea foam green shirt. Oh yeah.
Gold or silver: Probably gold. I'm a rose gold kinda girl if I had to choose
Height: 5'4"
Instruments i play (or have played): skin flute? This is always my answer to this type of question. I need to come up with another answer.
Job title: I'm in the travel industry. Let's leave it at that.
Kids: nah. Not right now. Can you imagine me as a mom? Didn't think so.
Live: South but not quite dirty.
Mom's name: Semi reformed bad girls mom?
Nickname: Gem
Overnight hospital stay: Yeah, I've had a few. Two within two days of each other. Stupid hospital.
Pet peeve: Crushes. I am so annoyed with the fact that I have a crush on a stranger right now. Seriously annoyed.
Quote from a movie: "The China man is not the issue here, dude."
Right or left handed: right up your alley.
Siblings: as you know I have a sister but I also have a brother
Time you wake up: around 730a and 8a.
Underwear: It happens
Vegetables you dislike: mushrooms, tomato
What makes you run late: The clock. There really isn't enough time in the day
X-rays you've had done: Too many to count. Back, shoulder, teeth.
Yummy food you make: PIZZA!!! Thanks to the good old best friend I love making pizza with awesome homemade pizza dough, goat cheese mmmm love it!
Zoo animal: I'm one of those hippies. I really don't like the zoo. I think it's really sad. :( SO I don't like zoo animals but animals in general are awesome. All of them. :)
Age: 28
Bed size: full size...it's just me. sad face. :( haha.
Chore you hate: can't stand cleaning my bath tub...it's way too huge and I am short so I can't reach it! I sure do love chillin in it with some hot water and smelly good bubbles.
Dogs: I have two. Littles. They are adorbz.
Essential start to your day: coffee fo sho. I hit up Starbucks daily for real coffee. Venti Bold with 4 Sugar in the Raws and Half and Half. mmmmm.
Favorite color: to wear? I love them all. Except yellow and orange. Today my nails are bright MAC Shirelle red....that is an awesome color to wear. Especially with a sea foam green shirt. Oh yeah.
Gold or silver: Probably gold. I'm a rose gold kinda girl if I had to choose
Height: 5'4"
Instruments i play (or have played): skin flute? This is always my answer to this type of question. I need to come up with another answer.
Job title: I'm in the travel industry. Let's leave it at that.
Kids: nah. Not right now. Can you imagine me as a mom? Didn't think so.
Live: South but not quite dirty.
Mom's name: Semi reformed bad girls mom?
Nickname: Gem
Overnight hospital stay: Yeah, I've had a few. Two within two days of each other. Stupid hospital.
Pet peeve: Crushes. I am so annoyed with the fact that I have a crush on a stranger right now. Seriously annoyed.
Quote from a movie: "The China man is not the issue here, dude."
Right or left handed: right up your alley.
Siblings: as you know I have a sister but I also have a brother
Time you wake up: around 730a and 8a.
Underwear: It happens
Vegetables you dislike: mushrooms, tomato
What makes you run late: The clock. There really isn't enough time in the day
X-rays you've had done: Too many to count. Back, shoulder, teeth.
Yummy food you make: PIZZA!!! Thanks to the good old best friend I love making pizza with awesome homemade pizza dough, goat cheese mmmm love it!
Zoo animal: I'm one of those hippies. I really don't like the zoo. I think it's really sad. :( SO I don't like zoo animals but animals in general are awesome. All of them. :)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Change of Heart
Let me first apologize on my lack of commenting on your comments. I can't tell if it's my settings or this computer I use that jack it all to hell but for some reason it doesn't let me respond. SHIT. So if you know what the problem could be, let me know so I can fix it!
Friday was totally crazy when I went to my sisters apartment and she told me about the dramz that happened to her the night before. It totally cured me of wanting to have a FWB. AND I realized it wouldn't solve anything. It isn't what I am looking for and would take away from the little bit of time I currently have to take care of what else is going on in life.
So onto the story. Whoa.
My sister is a few years younger and when she was in her late teens she dated this sleazy ass mother fucker. (Yes she was one of those women who was only as good as who she spread her legs for.) He was so gross. Really controlling. Ugh. We all hated him. Well they broke up and la-te-da and whatever...had a relationship then within the past few months became single. She told me she'd be in contact with this dude and they were just "friends." Ew. We all know what that means. Since I am in charge of her cell phone, I might just call all the numbers that she has called or whatever and block him. Hahaha. Actually this is a great idea. I have all the power!
Thursday night her and a friend went out, got drunk and then came back to her place. She called old dude up for a booty call and her friend was trying to get some dick too I guess. (I'm shaking my head as I type this haha) Friend never finds a piece and is on couch kinda passed out I guess. Dude asks my sister to call her in. You know for a threesome. Sister says, uh you know I'm not into that so I'll pass. Apparently he walks out to the living room after getting some from my sister and decides he wants to have sex with her friend too. Friend accepts his dirty penis into her equally dirty vagina. My sister walks in on them. Let's them stay the night. Excuse me.
Okay what? This chick apparently knew my sister still had feelings for dude. Clearly my sister broke rule number one of a booty call...do not have feelings. HOWEVER, her friend just decided to let anything hit that? On top of it all they didn't use protection! EWWWWWW. So gross. I swear. THIS is the kind of stuff I am talking about. I won't claim to be a virgin. That would be laughable but I can honestly say I have never had sex with a man who any of my friends have been with. Especially in their homes. On their couch. After they'd been with him. With no condom.
Rumor has it my sister is friends with this chick again. To all my ladies, I DARE you to disrespect me like that in my own home. I DARE you to try to have what I have been with and I DARE you to leave out alive. No, we will never be friends again. Wow.
So this was my cure. After realizing like I've kind of indicated I really just want to have one special guy who I focus on, I realized the sex can wait. I do not need that kind of drama that's for sure!
On another note.....I have a major crush. Major. I don't know why I haven't mentioned him on here. Of all places. :) Everyone I know is aware of my "Trader Joe's boyfriend." The tall man who gives me butterflies. I really feel like I shouldn't be so frank on what I feel could happen if I got up the balls to actually say more than just hi to him. I seriously roll my eyes every single time I think about it. It sounds SO dorky. SO creepy but the first time we made eye contact I had the stomach flip. I was standing in Starbucks putting my half and half into my morning coffee as he walked by the window. I thought to myself "Why did my stomach just do that for him?" Then I saw him at Trader Joe's the next week. I feel so silly. I think I am blushing. I swear to you when we made eye contact again it's almost like his stomach did the same thing. The flash across his face was different than anything I'd seen before. This will sound nuts...so I warn you....but....I can't believe I'm going to say this.....sigh.....IF there is such a thing as love at first sight I know this would be it. I'm calling it now! haha.
Yeah, I think I'm going crazy. This is not me.
Friday was totally crazy when I went to my sisters apartment and she told me about the dramz that happened to her the night before. It totally cured me of wanting to have a FWB. AND I realized it wouldn't solve anything. It isn't what I am looking for and would take away from the little bit of time I currently have to take care of what else is going on in life.
So onto the story. Whoa.
My sister is a few years younger and when she was in her late teens she dated this sleazy ass mother fucker. (Yes she was one of those women who was only as good as who she spread her legs for.) He was so gross. Really controlling. Ugh. We all hated him. Well they broke up and la-te-da and whatever...had a relationship then within the past few months became single. She told me she'd be in contact with this dude and they were just "friends." Ew. We all know what that means. Since I am in charge of her cell phone, I might just call all the numbers that she has called or whatever and block him. Hahaha. Actually this is a great idea. I have all the power!
Thursday night her and a friend went out, got drunk and then came back to her place. She called old dude up for a booty call and her friend was trying to get some dick too I guess. (I'm shaking my head as I type this haha) Friend never finds a piece and is on couch kinda passed out I guess. Dude asks my sister to call her in. You know for a threesome. Sister says, uh you know I'm not into that so I'll pass. Apparently he walks out to the living room after getting some from my sister and decides he wants to have sex with her friend too. Friend accepts his dirty penis into her equally dirty vagina. My sister walks in on them. Let's them stay the night. Excuse me.
Okay what? This chick apparently knew my sister still had feelings for dude. Clearly my sister broke rule number one of a booty call...do not have feelings. HOWEVER, her friend just decided to let anything hit that? On top of it all they didn't use protection! EWWWWWW. So gross. I swear. THIS is the kind of stuff I am talking about. I won't claim to be a virgin. That would be laughable but I can honestly say I have never had sex with a man who any of my friends have been with. Especially in their homes. On their couch. After they'd been with him. With no condom.
Rumor has it my sister is friends with this chick again. To all my ladies, I DARE you to disrespect me like that in my own home. I DARE you to try to have what I have been with and I DARE you to leave out alive. No, we will never be friends again. Wow.
So this was my cure. After realizing like I've kind of indicated I really just want to have one special guy who I focus on, I realized the sex can wait. I do not need that kind of drama that's for sure!
On another note.....I have a major crush. Major. I don't know why I haven't mentioned him on here. Of all places. :) Everyone I know is aware of my "Trader Joe's boyfriend." The tall man who gives me butterflies. I really feel like I shouldn't be so frank on what I feel could happen if I got up the balls to actually say more than just hi to him. I seriously roll my eyes every single time I think about it. It sounds SO dorky. SO creepy but the first time we made eye contact I had the stomach flip. I was standing in Starbucks putting my half and half into my morning coffee as he walked by the window. I thought to myself "Why did my stomach just do that for him?" Then I saw him at Trader Joe's the next week. I feel so silly. I think I am blushing. I swear to you when we made eye contact again it's almost like his stomach did the same thing. The flash across his face was different than anything I'd seen before. This will sound nuts...so I warn you....but....I can't believe I'm going to say this.....sigh.....IF there is such a thing as love at first sight I know this would be it. I'm calling it now! haha.
Yeah, I think I'm going crazy. This is not me.
Friday, April 15, 2011
This Doesn't Seem Right
Editors note: Between the time that this blog was halfway written and went to print the author is considering having sex with a semi random dude as a casual/friend with benefits thing. This blog speaks to all women, including the author and men who act like women.
I've decided to make my blogs rant like the past two days. I have a few things that I have been thinking about today. Some days I just go off. So this blogs title is:
Why Do Women Act Like Such Stupid Bitches?
(Myself included sometimes apparently)
Pardon my francais but I really want to have the answer to this question. You've heard of a small percentage of my experience with men. They are dogs. They do some dumb shit sometimes but overall I would say men are generally good people. When as a woman you command respect.
This is the biggest issue. Women do not expect to be respected. They actually expect to be disrespected, so when a man does it it's not really a big deal. If he does it less than her previous boyfriend then he gets the honor of having her hand in marriage. Explain to me why anyone would want to be with someone who didn't demand respect? Or in essence not having any respect for yourself.
You let men cheat on you, you act like a selfish, self centered, whiny cunt who lacks confidence. Some of you let him physically beat you. Others allow verbal abuse. Most like myself, allow a man to use your body for his sexual pleasure. (This really appeals to me right now.)
What really got me thinking about this and really made me angry was my boss and her 30+ minute personal call that involved her telling her friend more than once how she was "better than that" and that she wasn't "raised that way." Don't forget she also shit talked the dude who apparently brought the drama in the first place. Wait what? No actually bitch you do deserve that and everything you got and no you aren't better than that because as my friend said...you spread your legs for that piece of trash. To cap it all off my boss and everyone knows it.
That raises another issue. The lies women tell each other. I would rather have someone be honest. Like "Hey, you are acting like a freak and allowing that guy to walk all over you. If you put up with his shit you get everything you deserve." But no, most women let the cycle continue. Ugh. Women are too busy tearing each other down instead of raising each other up. When your man cheats who do you want to kill? Yep, that bitch who slept with your man. This is totally backwards. While it is messed up if a woman slept with a man knowing he was in a relationship. Of course it is worse when you know here BUT shouldn't you be mad at him? He cheated on you. Going after the woman isn't going to do you any good because the problem is with your relationship, not with some other woman who seduced your man. Most of the time he went out looking. She didn't come after him.
Ladies, get your shit straight. He doesn't call you except to get laid because he doesn't want to date you, not because he is "busy with his kids" or "working late." He doesn't take you seriously. He might think you are hot but really...does that mean anything? I think that Ben Kenney is hot but do I want to have a lasting relationship with him? I find it hard to believe that some of you try and pass it off like you're "just doing you." Bitch no you are not. He is using you. Be real with yourself. You want to be more than a booty call. No man is worth that. If he doesn't make an effort with you now, he never will.
I will give you some of the best and most solid piece of advice I have ever realized.
When a man is interested, you will know it. He will make an effort. He will contact you for various reasons. He will make his intentions known. A man will make time for the things he wants. If he does not make time for you, he does not want you. Please stop fooling yourself. You will only end up hurt.
Not to take away from the point of the post (haha yikes) but I am having thoughts of having sex with a man I do not know and a man I do not intend on ever having a relationship with. This concerns me. Part of me wants to be a little rebellious while the other part says, stay on your course. I will keep you up to date on my decision. I really need to get laid and let loose a little. I am far too uptight and I'm starting to think this might actually help my search in finding something serious. Am I crazy?
I've decided to make my blogs rant like the past two days. I have a few things that I have been thinking about today. Some days I just go off. So this blogs title is:
Why Do Women Act Like Such Stupid Bitches?
(Myself included sometimes apparently)
Pardon my francais but I really want to have the answer to this question. You've heard of a small percentage of my experience with men. They are dogs. They do some dumb shit sometimes but overall I would say men are generally good people. When as a woman you command respect.
This is the biggest issue. Women do not expect to be respected. They actually expect to be disrespected, so when a man does it it's not really a big deal. If he does it less than her previous boyfriend then he gets the honor of having her hand in marriage. Explain to me why anyone would want to be with someone who didn't demand respect? Or in essence not having any respect for yourself.
You let men cheat on you, you act like a selfish, self centered, whiny cunt who lacks confidence. Some of you let him physically beat you. Others allow verbal abuse. Most like myself, allow a man to use your body for his sexual pleasure. (This really appeals to me right now.)
What really got me thinking about this and really made me angry was my boss and her 30+ minute personal call that involved her telling her friend more than once how she was "better than that" and that she wasn't "raised that way." Don't forget she also shit talked the dude who apparently brought the drama in the first place. Wait what? No actually bitch you do deserve that and everything you got and no you aren't better than that because as my friend said...you spread your legs for that piece of trash. To cap it all off my boss and everyone knows it.
That raises another issue. The lies women tell each other. I would rather have someone be honest. Like "Hey, you are acting like a freak and allowing that guy to walk all over you. If you put up with his shit you get everything you deserve." But no, most women let the cycle continue. Ugh. Women are too busy tearing each other down instead of raising each other up. When your man cheats who do you want to kill? Yep, that bitch who slept with your man. This is totally backwards. While it is messed up if a woman slept with a man knowing he was in a relationship. Of course it is worse when you know here BUT shouldn't you be mad at him? He cheated on you. Going after the woman isn't going to do you any good because the problem is with your relationship, not with some other woman who seduced your man. Most of the time he went out looking. She didn't come after him.
Ladies, get your shit straight. He doesn't call you except to get laid because he doesn't want to date you, not because he is "busy with his kids" or "working late." He doesn't take you seriously. He might think you are hot but really...does that mean anything? I think that Ben Kenney is hot but do I want to have a lasting relationship with him? I find it hard to believe that some of you try and pass it off like you're "just doing you." Bitch no you are not. He is using you. Be real with yourself. You want to be more than a booty call. No man is worth that. If he doesn't make an effort with you now, he never will.
I will give you some of the best and most solid piece of advice I have ever realized.
When a man is interested, you will know it. He will make an effort. He will contact you for various reasons. He will make his intentions known. A man will make time for the things he wants. If he does not make time for you, he does not want you. Please stop fooling yourself. You will only end up hurt.
Not to take away from the point of the post (haha yikes) but I am having thoughts of having sex with a man I do not know and a man I do not intend on ever having a relationship with. This concerns me. Part of me wants to be a little rebellious while the other part says, stay on your course. I will keep you up to date on my decision. I really need to get laid and let loose a little. I am far too uptight and I'm starting to think this might actually help my search in finding something serious. Am I crazy?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Oh Life
Today I laughed. One of the guys I was talking with from OKCupid, one who I never met since he apparently wanted a Facebook friend and that is all, I stalked. His Facebook is totally public, so why be friends? Anyway. I was stalking and apparently he had 20 teeth pulled and now has dentures. What? Under 30 with dentures? Can someone please explain this to me? I'll be okay with a man who might be balding, it happens....not his fault but seriously? You can't be bothered to brush your teeth?
Standards people. Ladies, if yo man got dentures, imagine what he's going to look like at 60! Plus. He used the word dentures. Not caps. Not implants. Dentures.
I should mention I have a thing about teeth. Like that's a no go with me if you got jacked up teeth. My sister is the same way. Man must have nice teeth. Sometimes my ex would have red wine teeth and I would be like, no. Not getting any tonight.
On another note. The 5 minute relationship (the one that caused me to lay in bed for 2 days after it ended) dude totally UNBLOCKED me on plenty of fish and then stalked my profile. Come. On. You know, our little fling kinda fucked me up just a speck. I did everything right. We actually had a great relationship (even though it lasted 48 hours) and when you decided I wasn't good enough, I made a new plenty of fish profile. To which you promptly blocked without me knowing. I searched your name. Then 6 months later you decide it's time to unblock me? Just because you feel like being nosey? I'm still single. I'm still on plenty of fish. I'm an even better person since we met which I know is really hard to believe that I could be better than I was. I am. However you are still a dickhead.
Clue: You will never find what you are looking for because it doesn't exist until you get to know yourself. Until you are happy alone. Until you don't rebound with anything that moves. Need I mention your ex WIFE who was a rebound? Who fucking marries a fucking rebound? Then I was her rebound. A tear might fall from my eye and I might mourn your loss if you were better in bed. But you weren't. That's what you get for sleeping with conservative christian virgins!!!
Since I would be scolded for admitting this on my other blog. I've been smoking a few cigarettes a day. Yeah. Only because last week I bought a pack due to high work stress and now I feel like those bastards are burning a hole in the Rubbermaid bin I'm storing them in. I know once they are gone I WON'T buy another pack. Unless you can get re-hooked after 20. Very possible. Just not if you're as amazing as I am.
Standards people. Ladies, if yo man got dentures, imagine what he's going to look like at 60! Plus. He used the word dentures. Not caps. Not implants. Dentures.
I should mention I have a thing about teeth. Like that's a no go with me if you got jacked up teeth. My sister is the same way. Man must have nice teeth. Sometimes my ex would have red wine teeth and I would be like, no. Not getting any tonight.
On another note. The 5 minute relationship (the one that caused me to lay in bed for 2 days after it ended) dude totally UNBLOCKED me on plenty of fish and then stalked my profile. Come. On. You know, our little fling kinda fucked me up just a speck. I did everything right. We actually had a great relationship (even though it lasted 48 hours) and when you decided I wasn't good enough, I made a new plenty of fish profile. To which you promptly blocked without me knowing. I searched your name. Then 6 months later you decide it's time to unblock me? Just because you feel like being nosey? I'm still single. I'm still on plenty of fish. I'm an even better person since we met which I know is really hard to believe that I could be better than I was. I am. However you are still a dickhead.
Clue: You will never find what you are looking for because it doesn't exist until you get to know yourself. Until you are happy alone. Until you don't rebound with anything that moves. Need I mention your ex WIFE who was a rebound? Who fucking marries a fucking rebound? Then I was her rebound. A tear might fall from my eye and I might mourn your loss if you were better in bed. But you weren't. That's what you get for sleeping with conservative christian virgins!!!
Since I would be scolded for admitting this on my other blog. I've been smoking a few cigarettes a day. Yeah. Only because last week I bought a pack due to high work stress and now I feel like those bastards are burning a hole in the Rubbermaid bin I'm storing them in. I know once they are gone I WON'T buy another pack. Unless you can get re-hooked after 20. Very possible. Just not if you're as amazing as I am.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Jesus Christ
It's been over a month since I posted anything? Ugh. Yeah funk lifted my ass I guess! The funk is back mother fuckers and in full force. I've got the funk. Gotta have that funk. Yeah, cheesey.
I really shouldn't be typing this at work. Sigh. Which is the reason why I haven't updated.
On a different schedule and I really don't have much time to do any dating, other than maybe the weekends.
Oh! The one dude I went to the park with. Yeah, a couple of Sundays he said he wanted to hang out sometime in the next week. Well Friday I got a FB message (pussy much? Dude you have my number) saying that all of the sudden something with a friend came up....out of the blue...that prevented him for hanging out. I felt like my message made me sound like a major bitch and that was semi my intention. "All of the sudden?" What about the whole month in between the last time we hung out and the text I sent you? I really don't care for your stupid ass shit. So I called his ass out. He never got back. Figures. People don't like that much do they? Today he was deleted from being my friend on FB so HA that's what you get!! Frankly, I wasn't interested in him anyway. Thanks for bruising my ego when I didn't even want you.
I'm so ready for someone to come along who has no reservations, no bullshit, no ego, nothing other than just an interest in getting to know one person.
Me.
I'm ready for something that is just about us two. No one else.
I really shouldn't be typing this at work. Sigh. Which is the reason why I haven't updated.
On a different schedule and I really don't have much time to do any dating, other than maybe the weekends.
Oh! The one dude I went to the park with. Yeah, a couple of Sundays he said he wanted to hang out sometime in the next week. Well Friday I got a FB message (pussy much? Dude you have my number) saying that all of the sudden something with a friend came up....out of the blue...that prevented him for hanging out. I felt like my message made me sound like a major bitch and that was semi my intention. "All of the sudden?" What about the whole month in between the last time we hung out and the text I sent you? I really don't care for your stupid ass shit. So I called his ass out. He never got back. Figures. People don't like that much do they? Today he was deleted from being my friend on FB so HA that's what you get!! Frankly, I wasn't interested in him anyway. Thanks for bruising my ego when I didn't even want you.
I'm so ready for someone to come along who has no reservations, no bullshit, no ego, nothing other than just an interest in getting to know one person.
Me.
I'm ready for something that is just about us two. No one else.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday "Date"
I met 4 different guys this past week. (Skank) I could give you the rundown of them all but it really wouldn't matter much. One I know I won't see again. Another I mentioned before and we are in a way too slow game of Words with Friends. The third is the easiest to get along with. Then there is the 4th.
I went into Saturday knowing very little about this guy compared to most when we meet. (This could have been the problem.) He originally asked me to hang out a few weeks ago and then I got sick. Truth be told there wasn't attraction but he seemed like a super nice guy and I really could use some friends, especially since it was his idea to meet that one of the local antique malls. One of my favorite places to go.
I get there, late of course. Will I ever be on time? We are walking around, he tells me what he looks out for there, where he is from and then he finally asks me what I do for work. (Yeah, I know the fact that we didn't know what the other did for work is kind of strange.) He tells me that he's in between jobs. Ugh. Great. Of course. Then he mentions that he is thinking about doing a little work with a friend of his selling cars. I imagine this guy totally being at a buy here, pay here lot just making a few bucks before he gets another big person job. My brother is a car salesman so I mention that, along with which dealership he's at. Ironically, his friend works at the same dealership as my brother. We compare about how each of them is doing. I've been told my brother isn't happy there, which I'm sure I mention and some how I think I say, "It's better than the job working at <insert name of company>, they really screwed him over." Then the large man standing next to me says. "I used to work at <insert name of company>." Haha, funny. Then he asks me my brothers name. At this point, I am feeling a little exposed. I get really strange about those things. Haha. I tell him anyway. Then he asks his last name. I'm really creeped at this point but tell him.
That's when he says it, "Oh yeah <insert name of brother> and I are friends, I go over to his house to play video games." What? Then he starts name dropping. My dad. Apparently, this man has met my entire family, except me. Including my grandma!
When we left I called my mom, right away. She DIED and said that she thought this dude and I should meet before I even moved down here. She is always thinking those are the kinds of men I should date. I don't get it. I made sure to tell her NOT to tell my brother. I wanted him to tell him.
Yesterday my phone rings, it's my brother. You can guess what it's about. Haha. His first words are, "How did your date go yesterday?" Then he gives my favorite laugh that he does when he thinks something is REALLY funny. I was surprised to find out this dude called it a date. I HATE that word. Not a date. Never a date. It makes me uncomfortable.
We got a good laugh out of the situation. It was funny and at least this dude isn't a creep. I've decided it might be time to slow down with the dating a little bit if I am meeting my brothers friends AND pre-screen a lot more. Wow.
I went into Saturday knowing very little about this guy compared to most when we meet. (This could have been the problem.) He originally asked me to hang out a few weeks ago and then I got sick. Truth be told there wasn't attraction but he seemed like a super nice guy and I really could use some friends, especially since it was his idea to meet that one of the local antique malls. One of my favorite places to go.
I get there, late of course. Will I ever be on time? We are walking around, he tells me what he looks out for there, where he is from and then he finally asks me what I do for work. (Yeah, I know the fact that we didn't know what the other did for work is kind of strange.) He tells me that he's in between jobs. Ugh. Great. Of course. Then he mentions that he is thinking about doing a little work with a friend of his selling cars. I imagine this guy totally being at a buy here, pay here lot just making a few bucks before he gets another big person job. My brother is a car salesman so I mention that, along with which dealership he's at. Ironically, his friend works at the same dealership as my brother. We compare about how each of them is doing. I've been told my brother isn't happy there, which I'm sure I mention and some how I think I say, "It's better than the job working at <insert name of company>, they really screwed him over." Then the large man standing next to me says. "I used to work at <insert name of company>." Haha, funny. Then he asks me my brothers name. At this point, I am feeling a little exposed. I get really strange about those things. Haha. I tell him anyway. Then he asks his last name. I'm really creeped at this point but tell him.
That's when he says it, "Oh yeah <insert name of brother> and I are friends, I go over to his house to play video games." What? Then he starts name dropping. My dad. Apparently, this man has met my entire family, except me. Including my grandma!
When we left I called my mom, right away. She DIED and said that she thought this dude and I should meet before I even moved down here. She is always thinking those are the kinds of men I should date. I don't get it. I made sure to tell her NOT to tell my brother. I wanted him to tell him.
Yesterday my phone rings, it's my brother. You can guess what it's about. Haha. His first words are, "How did your date go yesterday?" Then he gives my favorite laugh that he does when he thinks something is REALLY funny. I was surprised to find out this dude called it a date. I HATE that word. Not a date. Never a date. It makes me uncomfortable.
We got a good laugh out of the situation. It was funny and at least this dude isn't a creep. I've decided it might be time to slow down with the dating a little bit if I am meeting my brothers friends AND pre-screen a lot more. Wow.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Funk Lifted?
I've been in this funk for like weeks. Here is a short list of things it could be caused by: weather, lack of social interaction...specifically those who I adore and miss more than anything who live in Ohio and I haven't seen in most cases almost a year and in one a year and a fucking half (!!!!), not having any luck in the man department, the fact that I haven't been eating as well as I would have liked or getting to the gym, having a sinus infection, work not living up to what I want and being rejected by this company I interviewed with.
I've decided to go into all future meetings with men as a just friends situation, no not like the movie but really just friends. To say I haven't found anyone up to my way too high expectations would be an understatement. I need a social life and is that actually going to come from a man? No. When you have a man who do you hang out with? Him. Ummmm. Sometimes just laying in bed, or watching movies. Yeah, it's great but not exactly what I am missing.
I am meeting a guy Saturday afternoon at an antique mall, sooooo excited to go to the antique mall....not as excited about meeting him EXCEPT I think we could be friends. Meeting another guy probably Friday for coffee. He's kind of young and seems to not have the ability to sit still or just hang out. He is SUPER social. This could be good for getting out there.
Last night I had coffee with a guy who I think actually has helped to lift the funk a little. He's interesting, smart and attractive. I could see us being friends. I like that idea. No expectations since I don't think from me he would want anything more. We played Scrabble while drinking Chai and then went to the grocery store. I love the grocery store. My mom made a point of telling me that I was "very well behaved" when we went Sunday but she still caught me doing a little dance in the aisle. Busted. I have a tendency to wander like a child and then get so far from my mom that when something excites me I yell. I think people who see me must think "Aw, that is so nice of her mom to bring her out like that." I think I was good last night except maybe I did bust out in a little dance, hopefully he caught it because that would be awesome! The Scrabble didn't go so well, of course he kicked my ass. Ugh. I was glad my mom and I played a few weeks ago so I at least got a tiny bit of practice. Overall Scrabble and the grocery store renewed my feelings about there being people who I could build a friendship with here. I'm hopeful again.
I've decided to go into all future meetings with men as a just friends situation, no not like the movie but really just friends. To say I haven't found anyone up to my way too high expectations would be an understatement. I need a social life and is that actually going to come from a man? No. When you have a man who do you hang out with? Him. Ummmm. Sometimes just laying in bed, or watching movies. Yeah, it's great but not exactly what I am missing.
I am meeting a guy Saturday afternoon at an antique mall, sooooo excited to go to the antique mall....not as excited about meeting him EXCEPT I think we could be friends. Meeting another guy probably Friday for coffee. He's kind of young and seems to not have the ability to sit still or just hang out. He is SUPER social. This could be good for getting out there.
Last night I had coffee with a guy who I think actually has helped to lift the funk a little. He's interesting, smart and attractive. I could see us being friends. I like that idea. No expectations since I don't think from me he would want anything more. We played Scrabble while drinking Chai and then went to the grocery store. I love the grocery store. My mom made a point of telling me that I was "very well behaved" when we went Sunday but she still caught me doing a little dance in the aisle. Busted. I have a tendency to wander like a child and then get so far from my mom that when something excites me I yell. I think people who see me must think "Aw, that is so nice of her mom to bring her out like that." I think I was good last night except maybe I did bust out in a little dance, hopefully he caught it because that would be awesome! The Scrabble didn't go so well, of course he kicked my ass. Ugh. I was glad my mom and I played a few weeks ago so I at least got a tiny bit of practice. Overall Scrabble and the grocery store renewed my feelings about there being people who I could build a friendship with here. I'm hopeful again.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Ummm Wow
So I've been taking a break. From dating mostly. Trying to focus on other things. I've applied for another job *fingers crossed* I've been sick and feel so horrible that I haven't lost much weight because of being sick and miss WAY too much time in the gym. I did make homemade pizza yesterday though.
My OKCupid profile reflects my frustrations. I like confidence and I know a confident enough man will realize that no matter how frustrated or jaded I sound, he might be the one to show me that there is good out there. I only need one.
So I'll share my current "self summary." I'm usually one who is all for the upbeat cutesy/flirty profile but I also get bored easily. So here it is:
It's official, I've become totally bored with what this site has to offer. Every man is in a band, that of course is not doing anything. No I don't want to be your Facebook friend. Too many shallow pools to wade through. I'd be pleasantly surprised to fall down a black hole at this point in terms of personality and what a man has to offer. At least it would have some depth.
My attitude comes from your lack of awesomeness, bring it and I'll gladly show you the real me.
I prefer the surreal to the real, sex with commitment over sex with some random hard body, skuzzy mother fucker and a PhD gets me wayyyyy wetter than a BMW.
Looking for:
-someone passionate, about something other than work...unless work is something wonderfully creative or selfless
-someone open to living somewhere else other than Charlotte.
-nerdy, dorky, quirky, an individual, liberal, silly...
-your vs you're ...please use them properly
My pictures are funny, I confess to rapping Baby Got Back in the 5th grade and how proud I am of my mommy for trying to text. There is more to the profile than just "BITCH."
I get this message today, "well aren't you just a pissy little cunt?" Really? Wow. Hmmmm. Classy. Super classy.
I love my response, "You kiss your mother with that mouth? I didn't message you or ask you to comment on my profile. If you actually read it you'd realize I'm not "pissy," instead more frustrated with a lack of real quality. Ever been a woman? Ever walked a mile in my shoes? Then I suggest keeping your mouth shut. Do you know how many times I've read things on peoples profiles that I was like "Wow how truly ignorant!" Instead of sending a message name calling, I MOVE ON. Something you should have done.
Let me quote your profile. "I have no desire to engage in anything negative." Hmmm, could have fooled me because while you disagree with my opinions (and that's exactly what they are) you have tried to give me a virtual slap on the wrist by calling me one of the most disrespectful things anyone can call a woman. You completely prove my point."
Don't.Fuck.Wit.Me. I could have gone off, I could have acted like a ghetto bitch but I didn't. Why do people feel the need to call me out? Because you are insecure? Because something I said offended you? This is where growing up and having some confidence comes into play. I've decided that who cares what someone says? Who cares if you aren't what I am looking for? Some woman will be impressed by your guitar, just not me. Why bother sending me a message name calling though?
On another note, I found my perfect engagement ring and wedding band. Haha.
My OKCupid profile reflects my frustrations. I like confidence and I know a confident enough man will realize that no matter how frustrated or jaded I sound, he might be the one to show me that there is good out there. I only need one.
So I'll share my current "self summary." I'm usually one who is all for the upbeat cutesy/flirty profile but I also get bored easily. So here it is:
It's official, I've become totally bored with what this site has to offer. Every man is in a band, that of course is not doing anything. No I don't want to be your Facebook friend. Too many shallow pools to wade through. I'd be pleasantly surprised to fall down a black hole at this point in terms of personality and what a man has to offer. At least it would have some depth.
My attitude comes from your lack of awesomeness, bring it and I'll gladly show you the real me.
I prefer the surreal to the real, sex with commitment over sex with some random hard body, skuzzy mother fucker and a PhD gets me wayyyyy wetter than a BMW.
Looking for:
-someone passionate, about something other than work...unless work is something wonderfully creative or selfless
-someone open to living somewhere else other than Charlotte.
-nerdy, dorky, quirky, an individual, liberal, silly...
-your vs you're ...please use them properly
My pictures are funny, I confess to rapping Baby Got Back in the 5th grade and how proud I am of my mommy for trying to text. There is more to the profile than just "BITCH."
I get this message today, "well aren't you just a pissy little cunt?" Really? Wow. Hmmmm. Classy. Super classy.
I love my response, "You kiss your mother with that mouth? I didn't message you or ask you to comment on my profile. If you actually read it you'd realize I'm not "pissy," instead more frustrated with a lack of real quality. Ever been a woman? Ever walked a mile in my shoes? Then I suggest keeping your mouth shut. Do you know how many times I've read things on peoples profiles that I was like "Wow how truly ignorant!" Instead of sending a message name calling, I MOVE ON. Something you should have done.
Let me quote your profile. "I have no desire to engage in anything negative." Hmmm, could have fooled me because while you disagree with my opinions (and that's exactly what they are) you have tried to give me a virtual slap on the wrist by calling me one of the most disrespectful things anyone can call a woman. You completely prove my point."
Don't.Fuck.Wit.Me. I could have gone off, I could have acted like a ghetto bitch but I didn't. Why do people feel the need to call me out? Because you are insecure? Because something I said offended you? This is where growing up and having some confidence comes into play. I've decided that who cares what someone says? Who cares if you aren't what I am looking for? Some woman will be impressed by your guitar, just not me. Why bother sending me a message name calling though?
On another note, I found my perfect engagement ring and wedding band. Haha.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Beautiful to Ugly in 5 Seconds Flat
Yeah it happens, I normally don't wear make up to work. I also usually dress like a slob but aside from that...some days I feel like I look great. Natural. Knowing that with the right clothes and make up I'd feel like a knockout. Then in the right light I feel like the thing from the black lagoon. Let's be real, those with someone to tell them they are hot...feel better. Exude more confidence. It is nearly impossible to just have. I'm working on it. I still don't settle.
Apparently my "message me" button on OKCupid is red. This is amazing. It means I VERY selectively reply. Isn't that how all women should be? I respect the men who make an effort to message me knowing that little bit, but only if they are hot.
I had a man from Winston Salem say he was going to come down and take me out to dinner. Scary. Definitely think he is looking to cut me up into little pieces. I've had so many boring, draining, chemistry missing dates I can't imagine why a man would want to drive down 125 miles for dinner.
I went out and got shit faced on Saturday. Yeah, it's been a while since that happened. I loved every minute of it. We got drunk off of jell-o shots and smoothies! Oh amazing. I even posted a picture of me drunk on my profile...hey, don't judge I look hot. Haha.
So excited to get some exercise in tonight. I lost 5 pounds last week....I didn't think it was possible. Soooo if I can lose another 5 ASAP I'll have a hell of a start. A friend says the more weight she loses the more money she will have in her pocket. It makes me laugh. My equivalent is, the more weight I lose the more men I'll have in my pocket. Sadly, I know it is the case.
Apparently my "message me" button on OKCupid is red. This is amazing. It means I VERY selectively reply. Isn't that how all women should be? I respect the men who make an effort to message me knowing that little bit, but only if they are hot.
I had a man from Winston Salem say he was going to come down and take me out to dinner. Scary. Definitely think he is looking to cut me up into little pieces. I've had so many boring, draining, chemistry missing dates I can't imagine why a man would want to drive down 125 miles for dinner.
I went out and got shit faced on Saturday. Yeah, it's been a while since that happened. I loved every minute of it. We got drunk off of jell-o shots and smoothies! Oh amazing. I even posted a picture of me drunk on my profile...hey, don't judge I look hot. Haha.
So excited to get some exercise in tonight. I lost 5 pounds last week....I didn't think it was possible. Soooo if I can lose another 5 ASAP I'll have a hell of a start. A friend says the more weight she loses the more money she will have in her pocket. It makes me laugh. My equivalent is, the more weight I lose the more men I'll have in my pocket. Sadly, I know it is the case.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Bah!
So Facebook told me that they guy I had coffee with and I are no longer friends. Again, men...here is a little hint, karma. What you do to others will come back. So instead of indicating you'll get in touch just don't say anything at all. What makes this one so great is that he specifically called himself in so many words, a straight shooter. Obviously not. Eye roll. So annoying.
I guess I am taking some time to myself. Eating like a bird and getting to the gym. I feel better already. Time for a break from dating I guess. I'll gladly go out but I don't think I will miss meeting men. At least not for a few months. The recent disappointments have made me think of my dating experience as a whole. As my mom and I were taking down Christmas lights, I shared a few with her.
Over the next few weeks I'll share some with you. If you are easily offended, you might want to back away slowly.
I guess I am taking some time to myself. Eating like a bird and getting to the gym. I feel better already. Time for a break from dating I guess. I'll gladly go out but I don't think I will miss meeting men. At least not for a few months. The recent disappointments have made me think of my dating experience as a whole. As my mom and I were taking down Christmas lights, I shared a few with her.
Over the next few weeks I'll share some with you. If you are easily offended, you might want to back away slowly.
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