Really this isn't true but it sure would be nice to have someone to cuddle with this winter. It is getting damn cold in this city! I go back and forth on my apparent desperation, as I am not desperate at all but then again yeah it's possible I am.
I joined OK Cupid after reading another blog and I'm like shit fire!! Where did all these men come from. What a selection compared to Plenty of Fish! Hot boys, baby you've got what I want. They also seem less creeptastic and more normal. Sure, what is normal anyway but closer to the type of normal I'm looking for. I even have semi plans with one this weekend.
I feel very strongly that the Economics dude should have no feelings for me. It was made totally clear when we first got in touch that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Now I can barely enjoy our time together hanging out because he's acting all into me. I just don't like it.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Bitch Fest #1 & HTB Letter
The #1 is a must since I imagine there will be more to come. I really don't know what the fuck happened but I am so bored/tired/irritated/pissy/bitchy/hating this whole single, seeking something more situation that I am in. The whole idea of meeting people is bullshit. It is especially stupid when you are harboring nonsensical feelings for some dude you really don't know. What have I become?
I believe part of this anger/resentment towards the entire process (which btw is kind of a large part of most every ones life) comes from the fact that first off, it's hard (and I work hard at so much) but for some people it seems to come easily. No this has nothing to do with looks or whatever shit you think I might blame it on. Some people are just blessed OR I guess we can also say maybe they have settled. It isn't for me to judge one way or another but if you are leading a life that appears to be perfect on the outside, I will assume as much. I'm having a pity party. I feel like there are a lot of things in life that have been hard, why does this have to be as well? The second reason is my best friend shared in her "blog reading list" a girl who writes letters to her "HTB" which stands for: Husband to Be. Now, there is more to the story as there isn't an actual husband to be, no ring on her finger or boyfriend. Just a fantasy. Maybe that is good enough. I'm not even sure how she expects to meet her husband to be, she just knows he is out there floating along and one day, BAM there it is.
Maybe I should start writing letters to my HTB, there are chicks my age looking for their second husbands to be. This whole idea about writing a letter to a future anything makes me jealous of her hope and angry at the man who will come along. My letters would not be as friendly and loving. (No this is not why I am single.) I will write a quick letter, tell me what you think.
Dear Asshole, oh excuse me I mean HTB,
Today is Tuesday and I have been doing quite a lot of thinking about you today, well maybe not exactly about you but about the men who could be you, were you in my mind for a period of time or would like to be you. Most of them do not fit the bill. In thinking about these not quite husband material men I get pissed at you. What the fuck is taking so long? I'm getting bored along with extremely sexually frustrated. I feel as though I have met all of the men needed to make an informed decision. Knowing what I imagine I know of you, you have met more than enough women to make a well informed decision as well. I repeat, more than enough.
I suspect you have been spending the last few months traipsing around with a few different girls, leading them on. Making them feel like they might have a shot at what you will in the end offer me. Why would you do that? You are wasting more than just your own time, but theirs and mine....something I do not appreciate.
If I *knew* that our future was set in stone I might not sound so much like a bitch, however you have decided to play the bachelor for as long as possible, forcing me to deny kisses from frogs that I KNOW aren't princes. I would say nice and wonderful things about you and our relationship but I don't know you or if I do I'm not currently seeing a future with you. I could talk about how nice it will be once we are together to take a trip to the mountains and stay in a cheesy ass cabin while it snows outside. No is not an option when it comes to candles, a fire and bubbles in the hot tub. Of course this weekend would be one big fuck fest but at least pretend to indulge my romantic side. I know it seems like a crazy idea to want to give into my silly whims but trust me, one day you will realize my happiness does mean a lot to you. Just stop being a stubborn prick.
Most likely you will blame our lack of a connection on me. Always. Any way to not have to take responsibility for making me wait and spend time with these jokers. I will forgive you since I'm sure something about you does something more than just make between my legs tingle. Maybe it is your eyes, smile or both. Shit if it's both I'm doomed, I will not be able to resist you.
So just stop doing some young thing who looks good with air between the ears and come home. The chihuahuas do better with a man around and again, if I don't get laid I might implode. Do you want to be the cause of my death?
Hope you hurry the fuck up,
Semi-Reformed Bad Girl
Yeah, it's like that.
I believe part of this anger/resentment towards the entire process (which btw is kind of a large part of most every ones life) comes from the fact that first off, it's hard (and I work hard at so much) but for some people it seems to come easily. No this has nothing to do with looks or whatever shit you think I might blame it on. Some people are just blessed OR I guess we can also say maybe they have settled. It isn't for me to judge one way or another but if you are leading a life that appears to be perfect on the outside, I will assume as much. I'm having a pity party. I feel like there are a lot of things in life that have been hard, why does this have to be as well? The second reason is my best friend shared in her "blog reading list" a girl who writes letters to her "HTB" which stands for: Husband to Be. Now, there is more to the story as there isn't an actual husband to be, no ring on her finger or boyfriend. Just a fantasy. Maybe that is good enough. I'm not even sure how she expects to meet her husband to be, she just knows he is out there floating along and one day, BAM there it is.
Maybe I should start writing letters to my HTB, there are chicks my age looking for their second husbands to be. This whole idea about writing a letter to a future anything makes me jealous of her hope and angry at the man who will come along. My letters would not be as friendly and loving. (No this is not why I am single.) I will write a quick letter, tell me what you think.
Dear Asshole, oh excuse me I mean HTB,
Today is Tuesday and I have been doing quite a lot of thinking about you today, well maybe not exactly about you but about the men who could be you, were you in my mind for a period of time or would like to be you. Most of them do not fit the bill. In thinking about these not quite husband material men I get pissed at you. What the fuck is taking so long? I'm getting bored along with extremely sexually frustrated. I feel as though I have met all of the men needed to make an informed decision. Knowing what I imagine I know of you, you have met more than enough women to make a well informed decision as well. I repeat, more than enough.
I suspect you have been spending the last few months traipsing around with a few different girls, leading them on. Making them feel like they might have a shot at what you will in the end offer me. Why would you do that? You are wasting more than just your own time, but theirs and mine....something I do not appreciate.
If I *knew* that our future was set in stone I might not sound so much like a bitch, however you have decided to play the bachelor for as long as possible, forcing me to deny kisses from frogs that I KNOW aren't princes. I would say nice and wonderful things about you and our relationship but I don't know you or if I do I'm not currently seeing a future with you. I could talk about how nice it will be once we are together to take a trip to the mountains and stay in a cheesy ass cabin while it snows outside. No is not an option when it comes to candles, a fire and bubbles in the hot tub. Of course this weekend would be one big fuck fest but at least pretend to indulge my romantic side. I know it seems like a crazy idea to want to give into my silly whims but trust me, one day you will realize my happiness does mean a lot to you. Just stop being a stubborn prick.
Most likely you will blame our lack of a connection on me. Always. Any way to not have to take responsibility for making me wait and spend time with these jokers. I will forgive you since I'm sure something about you does something more than just make between my legs tingle. Maybe it is your eyes, smile or both. Shit if it's both I'm doomed, I will not be able to resist you.
So just stop doing some young thing who looks good with air between the ears and come home. The chihuahuas do better with a man around and again, if I don't get laid I might implode. Do you want to be the cause of my death?
Hope you hurry the fuck up,
Semi-Reformed Bad Girl
Yeah, it's like that.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Give Me a Spark
I am not feeling the spark at all. Maybe the spark is a desire for intimacy, physical and otherwise. I haven't found a man since the teacher who provided that. Mister Economics certainly is trying (the one who I only want to be friends with.) I got an invite to his house for a movie the other night. I can tell you, for the third "date" with the teacher...I jumped on the chance. This time with Econ, I passed. This should say something. I can't rally the spark that just isn't there.
I have a confession. My crush is on a law student friend I have had a while. Ugh. I swear, he....yum. I really like him. It's bad. Not long ago he tried to get me to confess my crush and in the process confessed his for me. I have no clue what he means when he says he has a crush, we are too old to be using those terms! I know it includes a sexual crush but I can't tell if there is a hint of anything else. He has become increasingly flirty and a little different. I suspect he is seeing someone (he indicated the possibility a few month ago) but he hasn't confirmed and I like to live in a fantasy land so I think I will not ask. This crush is abnormal but I so do not care. I think he might be the man of my dreams. I just found the spark, it is with the law student. I'm fucked.
I have a confession. My crush is on a law student friend I have had a while. Ugh. I swear, he....yum. I really like him. It's bad. Not long ago he tried to get me to confess my crush and in the process confessed his for me. I have no clue what he means when he says he has a crush, we are too old to be using those terms! I know it includes a sexual crush but I can't tell if there is a hint of anything else. He has become increasingly flirty and a little different. I suspect he is seeing someone (he indicated the possibility a few month ago) but he hasn't confirmed and I like to live in a fantasy land so I think I will not ask. This crush is abnormal but I so do not care. I think he might be the man of my dreams. I just found the spark, it is with the law student. I'm fucked.
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